In China they do things Different

The Herald Sun is reporting that in China they have the fastest trafic jam around:



Hmm 100km/hour is pretty fast for traffic that is not meant to be moving.

Ad Linking Gone Crazy

So I go to look at a video about how a real Hare got in the way of a Greyhound Race in Shep and look at the ad that pops up:



Gold. I love algorithms that link ads to story content.

They say it is a hoax but still report it??

Why have they even put it on the news website if it is a hoax?

White woman 'gives birth to black child' after watching black porn star on 3D TV
By staff writers From: news.com.au May 14, 2010 2:18PM

•Woman watching porn in 3D
•Lead role played by black man
•Site apologises for hoax

HERE'S one warning Samsung didn't put in the box for their 3D TVs.
Watching them can make you pregnant.

US woman Jennifer Johnson claims she suffered her hi-def 3D divine intervention while her soldier husband Eric was away serving in Iraq.

She said she was watching a pornographic movie with her friends when she came over "all dizzy".

A month later, she realised she was pregnant and now is the proud mother of a dark-skinned boy.

What's even more amazing is she and her husband are both white.

Ms Johnson told Techwatch that her 3D baby was "very much like the black porn star in the movie".

And if you, like most people, leap to the conclusion that Mr Johnson might be being played for a fool, think again, because he knows a scandal when he smells it.

"I see it as suspicious," he said.

"The films in 3D are very real. With today's technology, anything is possible."

It is, of course, a hoax. But it fooled many tech websites, including Gizmodo - that of the "stolen" iPhone 4G fame.

Unfortunately, it went even further.

Mediaite reports that the site that set up the hoax, Sensacionalista, was then forced to apologise to the woman and her child whose random image they grabbed off the internet to go with the false article.

“A week ago we published an article about the woman who claimed to get pregnant after watching a porn movie 3d," they posted.

"The article was fake and we used the photo that we found on the Internet.

"Unfortunatelly, the article spread around the world because some sites thought that it was real. That was not our intention.

"Sensacionalista is a small site from Brazil. We never thought that this could happen. That’s why we are asking this family to accept our sincere apology.

"That woman and her baby in the photo had nothing to do with this article. They are just a normal family trying to live they’re own lives.

"We apologize for wrongfully taking their photo and putting it in our article.

"Please, not to publish this article again and next time check what you read before you write. This site is a humor site. Nothing here is real.”

I got the email a week ago. So why is News publishing proven bullshit as "news"?

Someone is Listening

Further to my previous post regarding Ebay and Paypal I noticed this news item:

eBay sellers can drop PayPal

Two years ago, eBay made two significant moves -- it tried to mandate that sellers offer PayPal and pushed for PayPal to be the only electronic payment platform on ebay.com.au.

The second proposition drew the ire of both buyers, sellers, the ACCC and even the Reserve Bank but the first idea went through largely unchallenged.

Since then the ACCC has been investigating complaints that eBay may have engaged in conduct that could contravene the Trade Practices Act by forcing sellers to offer PayPal, its subsidiary.

"We've been looking at that requirement where eBay said sellers must offer PayPal as one of the payment methods. We've had discussions with senior people at eBay and they have agreed to drop this," ACCC chairman Graeme Samuel said.

Today, eBay announced that sellers can choose at least one of three payment methods -- PayPal, Paymate and merchant credit cards -- from July 14.

There will be no change to other forms of payment currently allowed such as cash on delivery.

Good! Now work on the international transaction rorts!

$3 a Copy Must Have Been Cheap Enough

Herald-Sun typist Andrew "Don't Call me Right Wing" Bolt today stated his book 'still not sorry' is now Sold Out.

I have a signed copy of my sold-out book Still Not Sorry that I shall give away to anyone who rings me on talback tomorrow and mentions this offer.

Huh? Last time I saw it was in Dirt Cheap Books at $3 a copy. Oh how I wish I had a photo of it on the stalls. It is not sold out, it is out of print and being hacked off for pulp.

EBAY and PAYPAL RORT

It shits me. Why is it that Paypal and Ebay have different currency conversion rates when they are owned by the same company?

Here is an example. A certain item being sold overseas in US dollars will be:



OK, so it will cost $8.61.. So log into Paypal and pay:



Hang on a minute, now it costs $8.82.

That equates to about 2.5% additional margin that ebay makes by falsely advertising the price of items. Of course you add to this the profit they make on advertising items and the seriously high paypal fees to both be paid and to get your money out.

If I said to you that something was worth $10 you would expect to pay $10, not $10.25.

Bingle Effect Cannot Be Stopped

Now you know the theory by now. Basically Lara Bingle has an effect on things. Her latest influence has somehow impacted on her manager Max Markson.

So over the last day or so it has come to light that Max has been dodging some speeding fines. Now it may be a little coincidence that ACA and Newscorp has got stuck into Markson because of his own high profile. But, could it be due to the corporations wanting more on the whole bingle saga and he not releasing enough?

Markson worker accuses boss of deceit over fines
RICK FENELEY
April 1, 2010

A FURIOUS staff member emailed the celebrity agent Max Markson on January 25 and complained that her job had ''many grey areas''. These involved not paying his speeding fines, instead waiting for a penalty to arrive for failing to nominate the driver of his company-registered BMW.

She added: ''Both you and I clearly know that you are the driver of the vehicle''.

''As you are aware,'' she said, ''this can have very serious legal ramifications for both you and me especially with the RTA cracking down on certain 'practices'. I have been doing what I have been directed by you.''

This explosive email lays bare a long-term practice at the Markson Sparks! agency, revealed by the Herald yesterday. The company spent at least $35,000 on speeding-related penalties over the past 20 months, during which speed cameras caught the BMW at least 20 times.

I guess time will tell.

How do you put this into a TAC AD?

Florida woman crashes shaving bikini area From correspondents in Florida Keys
March 09, 2010

•Woman lets ex drive while she shaves
•Man crashes car into back of truck
•Pair switch seats; police not fooled
A WOMAN who shaved her bikini area while driving caused a car crash in Florida Keys, prompting police to issue fresh warnings about safe driving.
MyFox National reported today Megan Mariah Barnes, 37, crashed into another vehicle on Cudjoe Key after giving her ex-husband the wheel as she shaved her private parts.

Barnes was driving to meet her boyfriend in Key West and told authorities she wanted to be "ready for the visit," WJZ.com reported.

But Florida Highway Trooper Gary Dunick was not surprised when he came to the scene of the crash.

Dunick has had some crazy experiences pulling over drivers but said "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

Barnes crashed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet truck being driven by David Schoff, KeysNews.com reported.

Schoff had slowed down to make a right hand turn when Barnes's 1995 Thunderbird hit it at 72km/h - within the speed limit.

FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said that Barnes then allegedly drove a kilometre further down the road where she switched seats with her ex-husband Charles Judy so that it looked like she had not been driving.

Dunick said that Judy had burns from the passenger side air bag that proved he had not been in the driver’s seat. The air bag in the driver’s seat had not deployed.

Barnes should not have been driving in the first place. The day before the accident, she had been convicted and sentenced to nine months of probation for DUI and driving with a suspended licence.

Her licence was revoked for five years and she was ordered to get her car impounded.

Dunick said, "My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this. It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."

There are so many things wrong with this story. Her ex taking her to see her boyfriend? Already being done for DUI.

Here she is:


If you want to see some other news-worthy criminals try this link.

Max Must have a Boner

Not over Lara because really she isn't that much chop. But seriously we have this:



After 3 days in a row on the front cover of the HUN.

In the words of John McEnroe "You cannot be serious"

oh I spoke too soon:

Lara Bingle to make $200,000 from magazine deal over shower picture, Brenda Fevola grilled by AFL before ad

It has emerged that Bingle may collect about $200,000 to tell her side of the story about the nude photo taken by Fevola during their 2006 affair.
Insiders said Woman's Day had outbid New Idea.

Bingle's manager Max Markson said the legal action against Fevola was "110 per cent still going ahead".

Mr Markson was coy when asked about a magazine deal.

"Nothing's signed, sealed and delivered. I'm always in negotiations on behalf of my clients," he said.

So let me get this straight. A 3 year old photo that has been in the media circles for at least a year is not published. Not a week after signing with MM the photo appears.

Now she is going to be paid $200k by the same magazine that published the photo???? coincidence????

"I wasn't about to become a desert version of Harold Holt"

This is what Tony Abbott said after being stuck in the bush in NT for 6 hours.

Sorry Tony for a starter you are not the Prime Minister. But I wonder what sort of memorial would be erected for Tony if he did go missing? Could it rival the Harold Holt memorial pool??

The Tony Abbott memorial sandpit?
The Tony Abbott memorial dog toilet?
The Tony Abbott memorial women's health clinic?

Cricket Season Is Over

And of course the No. 1 WAG (Wife and Girlfriend) Lara Bingle is in the news.

You know what I think of her.

So things have been quiet for Lara. Border medal is done and she was not eh main talking point. Not as much underwear advertising going on. Media profile dropping.

Then we had this on Feb 19:

Lara Bingle splits from her latest manager

Sources report that Bingle, who wants a bigger profile in fashion but has yet to find a partner, was guided by her stylist and close friend Christina Centenera when she decided to ditch the management team that previously brokered her lucrative contracts with Speedo, Vodafone and Synergy, said to be worth about $600,000 a year

Bingle is now in talks with Max Markson who represents the Chk-Chk Boom girl Clare Werbeloff and housetrasher Corey Worthington.

See a trend yet?

Then we had the fton page of the Herald Sun yesterday with:

Lara Bingle to sue Brendan Fevola over nude photo

Who is quoted in the article?????? You guessed it Max Markson.

But hang on a minute. Did Fevola publish the photo? nope. Woman's Day did so sue them.

And secondly Lara has gone topless before. Lara Bingle topless shots back on German internet site . That article was from 2008.

So seriously. We are going to have a court case over a single phone snap of her? Or is it as reported on the 19 Feb Lara wanting a bigger profile?

The photo has been around for ages. In fact as reported by Andrew Bolt the Herald Sun has had it for over 6 months. So why has it come out now? Also why is it that it came out only days after the cricket season had finished and not during?

My theory is that MM using his contacts has waited until the season was finished so not to distract Michael Clark and to do as intended, make Lara's profile bigger.

A smell a rat and he talks with a dodgy accent.

They Live Amongst Us

Now please read the following story. Now before you get on your high horse about me having a go at illegal immigrants the title of this blog relates to the nut jobs who have commented on the story.

Illegal workers busted on fruit farm at Mooroopna, near Shepparton, and deported to Malaysia and Indonesia AAP From: AAP February 26, 2010 7:59AM

A GROUP of 76 illegal workers busted fruit picking in northern Victoria have been deported back to Malaysia and Indonesia after a mass immigration operation.
The 63 Malaysians and 13 Indonesians were flown home last night - the largest mass removal of illegal workers from Australia this decade, the government said.

They were nabbed during a raid on a caravan park last week in Mooroopna, just west of Shepparton, where they had been working illegally picking tomatoes and pears.

Eighty-five people were caught, with arrangements being made to deport the remaining nine workers - five Malaysians, three Koreans and a Nepalese person.

Immigration Minister Chris Evans said the 85 had entered Australia with valid visas before taking on the illegal work.

He praised the work of the immigration department.

"The fact that within the space of nine days these people have been located, detained and removed from Australia demonstrates the government's commitment to stamping out illegal work," Senator Evans said in a statement this morning.

He said employers faced fines of up to $13,200 and two years' imprisonment for hiring people with no work rights.

Companies can be docked $66,000 per illegal worker.

Now I do not condone the use of illegal workers to do jobs such as picking fruit but some jobs locals just do not want to do. But onto the real reason for the title "They Live Amongst Us". These are some of the comments so far:

Brian Wood of Sunbury Posted at 8:25 AM Today
cut the ability to work without a tax file number and big fines for hiring without one, and all illegals will be sorted fast, RUDD DO YOU HAVE THE GUTS?

Nice one Brian. Technically you are meant to provide a tax file number to get employed. It does not stop dodgy farmers trying to make a living by using Illegal workers. I am sure Kevin is reading the HUN and shaking in his slip ons.

harry of vic Posted at 8:28 AM Today
Now we have GOOD news. Keep it up. Sweep the country clean, rapidly, then progress to Christmas Island and do the same. Christmas Island holds opportunists NOT refugees! Cleanemout.

Torpedo Harry?

Neville of Bayside Posted at 8:32 AM Today
Well at least there are 78 new jobs created for lazy Australians on the dole who "can't find work". Must be plenty in the Shepparton area...

Nice keyboard work Nev. Why don't you head up the road from Bayside and have a look for yourself. Ever been to Shepparton?

Micko of Dandenong Posted at 8:32 AM Today
good ridance to bad rubbish

Micko or Sicko? Next you will complain about the price of your tins of fruit salad.

margaret webb Posted at 8:37 AM Today
are we making room for the illegal imigrants in detention.if they want to work..

No Margy, can I call you Margy? Those bloody queue jumpers won't work at all. Next thing you know they will move in next door to you and start staring at your dog.

thomas of Bundoora Posted at 8:39 AM Today
So the moral to this story is if you want to stay in Australia and not sent back where you came from then don't get a valid visa and certainly don't even consider doing a hard days work. Hopefully these people will be advised by the bloodsucking civil rights lawyers that seem to have set up regional offices in Indonesia and Christmas Island that the way to do it is to destroy all documents and start making demands from the Australian government!!

thomas (with a little t) please take your medication and watch the telly-tubbies for a while to calm down.

Pete of Melbourne Posted at 8:44 AM Today
This happens all the time, no wonder unemployment is so high. These people will work for less than minimum wage and the businesses that allow this are making heaps of money.

Pete. WTF are you on man? Unemployment high? where?

the Truth of Melbourne Posted at 8:52 AM Today
The government shouldn't pat itself on the back - they should be embarrassed that so any people managed to get in start working n the first place

Nice one Truth. (Please turn to Page 3 for our Norks out special on the way to the formguide). You say "get in". Didn't you read the article fool? They entered with valid visas.

Bill of Blackburn South Posted at 8:59 AM Today
Who is going to pick the grapes now?

Grapes Bill? Again you show your knowledge of grapes either through an anal affliction or drinking too much. They were picking tomatoes and pears. Muppet

So friends they are out there. And they have access to the interwebs.

Sorry I am on Leave

No not me. The graphic artist from the Age:



At leas it is better than a previous effort.

Missed It By That Much

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott in near miss with truck

OPPOSITION leader Tony Abbott has narrowly escaped a collision with a truck as he arrived to inspect part of the Princes Hwy west of Geelong this morning.
As Mr Abbott's car slowed to turn into a property beside the highway in Winchelsea, a van pulled out from behind his vehicle into the path of a truck, the Geelong Advertiser reports.

The truck driver narrowly managed to stop his vehicle jack-knifing in the dirt beside the road as stunned journalists and local politicians watched on.

The truck was about five metres away from colliding with the van and Abbott's car.

The truck wobbled on its wheels and at one stage came close to toppling.

Mr Abbott was shaken by the near miss when talking to the press minutes later.

"We just saw a moment ago how perilous this road can be,'' he said.

"You can never entirely eliminate danger on the roads but the better the roads are, the less hazard there is to traffic.

Mr Abbott was visiting Winchelsea to inspect the Princes Highway following calls over the years to have the notorious stretch of road duplicated between Geelong and Winchelsea.

However, despite his first hand experience, Mr Abbott stopped short of pledging any funding to the duplication at this stage.

I like the last sentence in bold above. What the hell was he doing there anyway?

UPDATE: An interview with the driver:

SABRA LANE: Twenty-nine-year-old Luke McCrae was behind the wheel of the truck. He was on his regular Melbourne to Warrnambool runs. He’s been driving trucks for about eight years.

LUKE MCCRAE: I was travelling down the road behind a mini bus. The mini bus slammed on the brakes, car sitting in the middle of the road. The mini bus tried to go around the car and ’cause I was in the truck behind with more weight, I had to try and go round you guys.

SABRA LANE: You seem to be pretty lucky to keep the truck upright.

LUKE MCCRAE: Very lucky.

SABRA LANE: Were you shaken up? I would imagine there was a fair amount of adrenaline running around your body.

LUKE MCCRAE: I didn’t realise how bad it was until I looked at it on the computer.

SABRA LANE: You’ve looked at the footage now?

LUKE MCCRAE: Yes.

SABRA LANE: What did you think when you looked at those pictures?

LUKE MCCRAE: Just lucky, that nobody got hurt.

SABRA LANE: When did you realise Tony Abbott was in that car?

LUKE MCCRAE: Oh, about 10 minutes ago.

SABRA LANE: Tony Abbott says that it’s a dangerous road, is it a dangerous road?

LUKE MCCRAE: Yes, it a dangerous road.

SABRA LANE: Were you disappointed that the COMCAR had pulled up where it had?

LUKE MCCRAE: Yes.

SABRA LANE: Is that particular road a dangerous stretch or was just dangerous because the COMCAR had pulled up where it had?

LUKE MCCRAE: Oh, it’s just because where the car had pulled up where it had.

The next question should have been:

If you knew it was Tony Abbott in the car would you have swerved?

Operation Grommet A Success

Sometimes the News is Strange:

So imagine you are in the Capalaba Police Station a few years ago and a complaint was made. You and some of your fellow officers get together in a meeting room with some bad coffee and a few donuts.

Whiteboard - check
Whiteboard marker - check

brainstorm people.. What are we going to call this thing..

.
.
.
.
.
I know boss - Operation Grommet

Grommets and eyelets are metal, plastic, or rubber rings that are inserted into a hole made through another material. They may be used to reinforce the hole, to shield something from the sharp edges of the hole, or both.



OK we have a name.. off we go.

The result:

'Get help', nude tradesman told

A bayside cabinet maker who exposed his penis and masturbated in front of female clients while renovating their home kitchens has been ordered to seek help by a Brisbane magistrate.

English-born Mark Stephen Owen, proprietor of Capalaba-based Mark's Kitchen Makeovers, admitted to engaging in the "bizarre behaviour" at the homes of seven women over nearly a decade, between 1999 and 2008.

He would flash at his victims by deliberately allowing himself to be exposed in shorts and tight pants.

He masturbated in the homes of three women, often calling the women into the kitchen area where he was working and smiling at them when they realised what he was doing.

and how did we end up with Grommet?

Mr Shillito also sought the forfeiture of "penis rings" worn by Owen during the offences and confiscated by police.

"He did wear them to work with the intention of enlarging his genitals," Mr Shillito said.

Mr Chowdhury said his client wanted the items back, but Magistrate Noel Nunan granted the forfeiture order.

"I think he can do without them ... so he won't be tempted again," he said.

That dear reader is Police work at it's best.

Culture MY ASS

Today one of my favourite oxygen thiefs Andrew Bolt has a go at the North of Melbourne in his column:

Column - A culture that drove five to their deaths

As a resident of northern Melbourne I am ashamed of Bolt. What a fool. He simply lays blame at the tragic death of 5 teenagers as a cultural issue in the north of Melbourne.

He is quite quick to lay blame on the area, the youth, the parents, the 'culture' as he says it. As his last paragraph says:

No, it’s not our laws that need changing; it’s their culture. And until - if ever - that’s done, drunk kids will smash into trees.

their culture? WTF does that mean? and why is it any different to the culture in other areas? Gee nothing like that would happen in other areas of Melbourne like Williamstown or Bayswater or Hawthorn. Or anywhere in fact!

Take off your rose coloured glasses Bolt. Bogans are everywhere and Dickheads are everywhere, just look in the mirror and you will see one looking back at you

I had the same look as Clint

As seen in today's Age website:

Is this why Rupert wants a Paywall?

I know I would pay for quality news coverage like this:

Woman kills boyfriend by sitting on him

A WOMAN who weighed 136kg has pleaded guilty to killing her much smaller boyfriend - by sitting on him.

Police in Cleveland said Mia Landingham and Mikal Middleston-Bey, who have three children together, got into an argument in August.

During the altercation Landingham sat on Middleston-Bey, who weighed 54.4kg.

Landingham was sentenced to three years probation and 100 hours community service on Wednesday after pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter, Fox8 reported.

She was immediately released from jail.

Her attorney told said there was a long history of domestic abuse in the relationship. He asked Judge Carolyn Friedland for leniency and pointed out she has no prior criminal record.

Landingham she was sorry for squashing the father of her children.

"I just want to say that I am sincerely sorry about this situation. I wish I could take it back,” she said.

During Landingham's sentencing, her boyfriend's family spoke of the pain she has caused their family.

"I just want to let you know how much you have hurt us by taking Mikal away from us," said Sharon Phillips, the victim's step-mother.

While Middleton-Bey's family hoped Landingham would eventually be able to take part in her children's lives, they were surprised that she got no additional jail time.

"So basically you can say that I can go sit on somebody and get probation?" said one of the victim's sisters.

"I feel there wasn't no justice."

Landingham faced a maximum of five years behind bars.

STOP THE PRESS!!!

Man opens bag of Cheese Rings, finds one

From: Northern Territory News January 20, 2010 4:05PM




A DARWIN man has opened a bag of chips and found only one inside.

The Northern Territory News reports Phil Jackson, 54, of Wanguri, brought the Cheese Rings to work with him on Monday.

When he opened the bag he was stunned to find it contained only one solitary ring - barely a mouthful.

"I was devastated," he said. "I put it down to the GFC - money's tight, times are hard."

The innocent snack attack victim had bought them in a large variety pack from a Coles supermarket.

Coles spokesman Jim Cooper said he would get a replacement pack.

"We certainly aren't in the business of giving people a single cheese ring in the packet," Mr Cooper said.

Mr Jackson was philosophical, saying the day before he had gone to KFC to get a five-piece wing pack, only to find six pieces inside.

"What you lose on the hurdy-gurdy you pick up on the roundabout," he said

Part of the Public Transport Service - Kind of

A while ago I commented on the very average taxi service in Melbourne compared to Brisbane. Well today I have a follow up post.

As I type I should be in a different office. Attending a meeting that started over 30 minutes ago via a cab that was booked yesterday. So what happened?

I and some of my colleagues just spent 45 minutes waiting for a taxi. Calls were made every 10 minutes to find out what happened. Apparently taxi services cannot guarentee a cab can be available even though it was booked a day in advance. WTF?