Knackers Rating - Pub Crawl Generator

In August some friends and I are off to Sydney for an away trip. It will include drinking, so after some google magic I came across this little gem:



The pubcrawl generator.. nice. Plug in the start and end and it gives you the pubs / bars along the way. If it had links to the hotels I would give it a higher score.

SO what's the rating?

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Today I am giving PubCrawl Generator a rating of 3.172 knackers.

It would have gone close to four with links to the pubs websites or review pages. Maybe they can add to it later. Bonus score for the website header "Plan your drinking without thinking".

Knackers Rating - Abbotsford Pub Crawl

On the weekend I was lucky enough to venture out with a fine group of (cough) gentlemen for a nice afternoon of conversation and beer (not necessarily in that order).

After meeting at Victoria Park on a Joffa spotting expidition, which sadly we failed in finding the man, the group hit the side walks and visited a few local historically significant establishments.

Along the way we pubs including :

The Yarra Hotel

The Retreat

The Park

For those interested the Retreat is the location of many scenes from the television series "The Sullivans" and it still is largely the same as then in an original condition. It is what pubs used to be really like with small nooks and crannies including one area called "the Snug".

I highly recommend a walk along Nicholson Street in Abbotsford to visit these pubs to see the difference and to experience the history of inner suburban Melbourne as it was.

SO what's the rating?

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Today I am giving Abbotsford Pubs a rating of 3.685 knackers.

So if you have been there and want to complain leave a comment.

Knackers Rating - Addams Family Pinball

After a previous post about games I got to wondering about my favourite arcade games ever.

Released in 1992 this pinball was the best seller ever and with good reason.



This pinball had it all, great variety in shots, an awesome multi-ball, clear instructions on what to do next to maximise scores, automated flippers and most importantly humour.

I spent hours playing this game and if one still survives in a pub I go to I have to play it. Last time I played one was in the Rob Roy (when it was called that) years ago. While at Uni I put a large amount of Austudy into the machines in the Carlton area.

So my Knackers rating:

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

4.96 out of 5.00. It would get 5 out of 5 if I had a machine of my own. But at around $7,000 they do not come cheap.

My pinball top 5 would be:

1. Addams Family
2. Terminator 2
3. Getaway
4. Hook
5. Rocky and Bullwinkle

notable mention to Lethal Weapon 3.

Training Days - Come for the Course, Stay for the Food - bonus Knacker Rating

First of all let me apologise for not posting over the last little while. Several reasons including being in an all day training session yesterday.

Having been on a few training sessions in the past in various forms I was astounded that yesterday we had it at the Langham Hotel. Lunch was in the Melba Restaurant. To give you an idea about what was on offer:

A unique interactive dining experience, diverse flavours from different cultures and a friendly, informal atmosphere are the shining stars of Melba restaurant.

Create your own entrée from an amazing variety of fresh, seasonal ingredients ranging from the sashimi and sushi selections to a mouth watering variety of gourmet cheeses. And at centre stage, a display of seafood and salad bar offerings will surprise and delight.

Then it’s time to browse the main attraction - Melba’s colourful open kitchens, where passionate chefs prepare the dish of your choice as you watch. With cooking stations offering Sushi, Asian stir fries and dumplings, Italian pastas, Indian dishes, tandoori oven specialities and a classic carvery, you can enjoy flavours from around the world.

Desserts are totally decadent. Choose from a tantalising array of miniature treats, ice-creams and a fountain of luscious warm chocolate to create your own dessert to die for.

Melba restaurant, at the Langham, Melbourne has panoramic views across the Yarra River to the city skyline. The atmosphere is friendly and relaxed with an upbeat vibe. Melba is the perfect place to enjoy the pleasure of dining at your own pace with as many intervals as you please.

The afternoon session was very hard to get motivated for. Got to say 4.089 Knackers out of 5. It would have scored higher if I could have stayed longer to eat more. Safe to say I did not have any dinner last night.

Knackers Rating - Tim Winton Breath

Now before I start my review this is in today's paper:

Tim Winton wins Miles Franklin award for Breath

Blanche Clark
June 19, 2009 12:00am

TIM Winton last night won Australia's most prestigious literary prize, the Miles
Franklin Literary Award, for his novel Breath.
Winton is the only writer to have won the award four times in his own right. Thea
Astley has won it four times, but was a joint winner twice.
"I'm stoked, but also mindful that there are terrific writers who will be feeling pretty stiff tonight, because their books are more than good enough to have won," Winton
said....

So obviously there are some people out there who like the book. As for me? well I have read a fair few Tim Winton books in the past such as Cloud Street or the Turning. This book to me is like unfinished work.

The main theme of a boy coming of age is an excellent and interesting topic especially as a male reader. Being able to relate to characters and themes also helps.

But the book just stops. 90% of the book is about a couple of years in the central characters life and the other 10% covers another 40 years or so. Even then vast tracks are glossed over in a paragraph.

There was a lot more opportunity to explore the theme he developed about the way we are and the way we turn out as a result of our teenage years.

It annoyed me as i wanted to know more. It was as if Winton was saying "well you know that much you should work out the rest, it is obvious isn't it?". Sorry Tim, not so obvious.

SO what's the rating?

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Today I am giving Breath by Tim Winton a rating of 3.2765 knackers... Above and beyond normal but by no means incredible.

Knackers Rating - Northcote Social Club

Ahhh the Social Club. Once a bikie hangout and now a pivotal part of the High Street Strip in Northcote.



The pub is like what used to be found closer in to the city in Fitzroy and Calrton before they were bought out and turned into Yuppie bars and chic restaurants.

Having been a patron to the pub for a few years now the place feels comfortable when you walk in. With a real mixed bag of patrons everyone is welcome making for an atmosphere hard to manufacture.

The good points about the place include:

The band venue. The northern suburbs have had a reduction in decent band venues with the closure of the likes of the Punters Club and pressure on others like the Tote. With a medium sized room the place has really gone out of it's way to make it a great experience to see bands up close. It has also always been a non smoking room as well whic always made for an interesting (cough) experience when the crowd came out between bands.

Front Bar. The front bar is like most others around in the older pubs. A big long bar where people can sit and others can still get service.

No pokies. Say no more.

Different Zones. With the front bar, dining area (beer deck), side hall and pool area there is usually a spot to get some space to enjoy the joint.

The negatives are really minor in comparison.

Drink Prices. Are probably slightly higher than another pub but this is negated when the prices in the band room are the same as the front bar.

Toilets. Ok I had to thin kof something. all of Downstairs is via a set of small dunnys in the deck area often resulting in queues or upstairs via the drunken ankle wrecker of a staircase. The bonus with the men's upstairs is the accoustics from the band room are fantastic up there.

SO what's the rating?

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Today I am giving the NSC a nice rating of 4.273 knackers... Huzzah!

So let me know if you have been there and what you thought.

Knackers Rating - Rugby League

It was a first for me and I had to do it. Yes I finally relented and witnessed a game of League. First round of the 2009 season - Melbourne Storm vs St George Ilawarra. To annoy anyone who constantly follow League the knackers rating has been replaced with the Hopoate Stink Finger rating. The modified Hopoate rating is:

no (knackers) fingers - shockingly bad.
one (knacker) fingers - as bad as Hopoate because he used the same one over and over!
two (knackers) fingers - normal and average as a Prostate Exam
three (knackers) fingers - above and beyond the normal
four (knackers) fingers - incredible. Ii hope he used lube
five (knackers) fingers - a fist of fury!

Some points to note to start with:

1. Don't call it Rugby. It is League;
2. Don't compare it with AFL on risk of being punched up by an angry Maori and islander woman; and
3. It is different.

And the differences are what made the game interesting. Some positives about the game:

• Intensity of the contest. Unlike Aussie Rules in League one stuff up can mean the difference. This was especially true at the end of the normal time when the scores were level.
• The body contact. Big units running full tilt into other big units. Crunch.
• Passion. The Melbourne Storm have a good loyal following. I would say at least half the crowd were wearing Storm gear showing they are more than the casual observer.

The atmosphere created from a crowd of under 15,000 is reasonable as well with the added bits of fireworks, cheerleaders and mascots on 4 wheel quadbikes. Now I know a bit about the sport but not everything. And I did enjoy the contest so will give it a 4 Stink Finger Rating.

But, before you all chant that I am converted (note that this blog is partially named after an Aussie Rules player) there are the negatives:

• League is an acquired taste. The nuances and technical rulings can be a bit confusing to the new viewer. Two referees will only create more confusion in this area;
• Services at Olympic Park. How can it take over 30 minutes to get a beer? I am still amazed that even in the size of crowd and the number of venues that sold beers that it takes so long to get a drink. I went with 5 minutes to go before half time and did not get back until 10 mins into the second half and that was when the line was short!!!

Because of the negatives, especially the second, I have to take out two Hopoate Stink Fingers Giving the game a 2 Hopoate stink finger rating. Well short of a fist full.

WTF 17 - Straight From The Horse's Mouth

Horse bites off man's testicle

March 12, 2009 - 2:18PM
JAKARTA - An Indonesian villager had to be rushed to
hospital after a horse bit off one of his testicles during a freak
attack.

The 35-year-old man was unloading sand from a horse-drawn cart at a
construction site in Sulawesi earlier this week when the attack occurred,
Indonesia's state-run news agency Antara reported.

A witness said the animal suddenly lunged at the man, sinking its teeth into his crotch. Shocked bystanders loaded the man into a car to take him to hospital, before one noticed a piece of flesh on the pavement.

"Luckily the horse did not chew up or swallow his testicle, but spit it onto the pavement," the bystander was quoted as saying.

"So I picked it up and brought it to the doctor at the hospital where the victim was being treated."

It was not know whether doctors attempted to sew it back on.

The 70-year-old owner of the horse, Budi, said the animal was trained but sometimes turned wild, and had bitten in the past.

should the horse be taken to the knackery.. get it.. boom tish.

Knackers Rating - Slumdog Millionaire

Who would have thought that you could create an award winning movie using Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Well they have. Those expecting a normal Bollywood movie will be dissapointed in this sometimes funny, sometimes gritty tale of Jamal Malik, a boy from the slums of Mumbai who has the chance of a lifetime, "a chance to escape", by getting onto the game show.

I do not want to ruin the storyline of the movie but the use of flashbacks relating to questions asked is superbly done to create a narrative. The use of the police officer to assist this process makes for a richer story. He is the one who asks the questions of Jamal that we as the viewers would like to know.



Of course it is a story of the battler form the wrong side of the tracks trying to change his life and there are some flaws in the story but the key to the movie is that in the end the viewer does not care if he wins the money, as Jamal himself does not.

So if you are wanting to watch something a little different then I highly recommend this movie. My only gripe is that although there are sections with subtitles there are a couple of key things mentioned (whispered) that are difficult to understand.

So onto the knackers rating:

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Slumdog Millionare gets 4 out 5 knackers.. An incredible moview well worth the awards in my opinion.

Knackers Rating - Terminus Hotel North Fitzroy

Now to start with I used to drive past this place all the time and think it looked a bit of a dive. Oh how wrong I was.



The Terminus is an interesting little local pub located next to the Epping Line and near Rushall station on Queens Pde. It is easy to get to via train, tram and bus making it a nice spot to have a few without worrying about who will drive.



The front bar is big enough to get a table but not too big and they have a great array of boutique beers including little creatures and the local 3ravens.



Food rocks. Great pub food. Little bit pricey for the normal menu for the area but they are targeting a different crowd. If you are in the area and want to go somewhere different, I suggest popping in for a few brews and a feed.

SO to the score, based on:

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

I am going to give it 3.5 knackers out of 5. It is above the normal and a great place. BUT, it isn't SPEEEEEECCIAAAALL like Bruce McIvaney. I need to go there more and have a few more meals to re-assess.

Knackers Rating - For the Love of Pizza

Thanks to the people at Google for the map and street view.

In an attempt to convey my love of various things in the North of the City I will be giving the Knackers Rating based on:

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

So to kick things off I thought I would start with my now favourite Pizza shop - For the Love of Pizza at 487 High Street in Northcote. It is north of Seperation Street near Gladstone Avenue.

This place honestly gets the five knackers treatment.

Friends of mine put me onto it a while ago and I am addicted.

Yes I know I am starting off on a high note but hey this place is really worth it. I have had pizza's from other places that have often been in the top ten pizza places in Melbourne. Establishments like I Carusi in East Brunswick come to mind.

I am constantly amazed at how good the Pizzas are at this place. Top quality ingredients, an awesome crust recipe and consistent cooking. I have been dissapointed yet.

Now, I wouldnt really bother eating in as there is only 4 tables in the place but, it is worthwhile sitting and chilling to the great music selection they normally have going while the food cooks.