Who Says News Cannot be Funny?

Surprisingly this was not on the front cover of the Herald Sun this morning:

River rescue as sex toy ditches rider
Thomas Hunter
January 17, 2011 - 6:31AM

A bizarre decision to ride an inflatable doll down a flood-swollen Yarra River blew up in a woman’s face yesterday when she lost her latex playmate in a rough patch.

The incident prompted a warning from police that blow-up sex toys are "not recognised flotation devices’’.

Police and a State Emergency Services crew were called to the rescue when the woman and a man, both 19, struck trouble at Warrandyte North about 4.30pm yesterday.

They were floating down the river on two inflatable dolls and had just passed the Pound Bend Tunnel when the woman lost her toy in turbulent water.

She clung to a floating tree, calling for help while the man stayed with her. Fortunately for the pair, a passer-by called triple zero while while a kayaker took life jackets to the pair. Police and the SES crew hauled the water-logged thrillseekers to safety.

But, with Queensland in the grip of a deadly emergency and 50 rescues from flood waters around Victoria in the past week, police were not amused at the pair's "stupid" actions.

‘‘We’ve got people busy with rescues and to have to divert resources to that sort of thing is not ideal," said Senior Constable Wayne Wilson

‘‘Most rescue organisations would frown on people behaving in such a manner because there are people out there who are in genuine need of assistance,’’ he said.

The rescued pair were checked by ambulance officers but did not require medical attention.

‘‘The fate of the inflatable dolls is unknown,’’ said Senior Constable Wilson.

You will note your flotation device is fitted with a ... for extra inflation and a whistle and light to attract attention in case of an emergency.

Q: What do Miley Cyrus and Andrew Bolt Have in Common?

A: They both have a passion for Salvia.

And I never thought I would ever group them together.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

SO you know I have been living in Sydney for work over the last few months.

Living in a new city alone can be challenging and interesting. Today I am going to share with you an interesting evening from a few weeks ago.. Well it really is two evenings spaced a couple of weeks apart.

Night One
I ventured to an establishment in Darling Harbour in search of $5 pizzas and a decent beer. Having found said venue I found a seat on a table sharing bench seats with two guys at the other end. I find out one of them lives in the same apartment block as me.. odd.

So I ask, "where is a good spot to go for a quiet beer around here?"
"I own a bar" replies the other guy. odd.

So after Pizza and beers we head off to check out this guys bar. At this point I start thinking od Police Academy and the Blue Oyster bar:



Luckily the bar is nothing like that! Anyway I get told that the owner is good friends with a magician who drops in most nights for a beer or two. Ok no worries I think as I finish off another free drink.

On to Night Two

A couple of weeks later i am standing outside a noodle shop waiting for my vegeterian non meat fake chicken real vegie stir fry when the guy from downstairs walks past saying the magician would be at the bar and i should pop in.

So after the Tofu Chicken Real Vegie Stir fry with noodles (authenticity to be verified) i heade to the bar. Magician is there. After a few beers discussing the merits of palm reading and beer he suggests he will "do a few tricks". 4 hours later he is still going. i am drunk and it is past 1am.

http://jackblackmagic.com/htmlCloseup.php

I stagger home still trying to figure out how he could do some of the tricks. I still have not got it figured out. When Night Three occurs I will let you know!

Back In Melbourne . . . well sort of

The project i am working on in Sydney has had another delay outside of my control resulting in being in Melbourne for a few days and Sydney for a few days each week.

Bit strange to be disjointed and not working on one thing or another but stuck somewhere in the middle.

It looks like i will be back in Sydney full time in the New Year so I will enjoy the Monday morning sleep in while I can.

Who Knew Love Could be so Painful?

Swedish couple's sex act ends with man stabbed, woman arrested

A SWEDISH couple's attempt to make things more interesting in the bedroom ended with a man stabbed in the thigh and his girlfriend in police custody.
Police believe alcohol may have contributed to the sexual mishap that began when a 47-year-man cut off his girlfriend's stockings with a knife, the Expressen newspaper said.

He then handed her the blade and she attempted to slash through his underwear. But the encounter turned from pleasure to pain when the 36-year-old woman accidentally stabbed her lover in the thigh.

"From what we understand, it was a sex act that went a bit wrong," a police spokeswoman said.

The injured man was taken to a hospital in Vasteras, central Sweden, to be treated for blood loss, while his partner was initially arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault. But despite the cut, the man did not file formal charges.

"She is very sorry and remorseful," the police spokeswoman added.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Oh god I am getting old..

37!

Normal programming to resume shortly.

Week Three - Some Sydney Observations

Back to Sydney again this week and I thought I would pass on some more observations. Now I know there will be some who do not agree with these. But hey you get the idea:

1. Not all Sydney Walkers are slow. But most of them are.

2. I have a pair of shoes that when scuffed on the footpath make the same sound as when the red man turns green at the pedestrian lights. I nearly sent a kid into the fron of a bus the other day because he was too busy texting to bother to look to see if the actual lights had changed. (insert evil laugh here)

3. I have to admit i like the way some pedestrian traffic light work to allow ease of traffic flow without hindering pedestrian movements.