Friday, January 29, 2010

Operation Grommet A Success

Sometimes the News is Strange:

So imagine you are in the Capalaba Police Station a few years ago and a complaint was made. You and some of your fellow officers get together in a meeting room with some bad coffee and a few donuts.

Whiteboard - check
Whiteboard marker - check

brainstorm people.. What are we going to call this thing..

I know boss - Operation Grommet

Grommets and eyelets are metal, plastic, or rubber rings that are inserted into a hole made through another material. They may be used to reinforce the hole, to shield something from the sharp edges of the hole, or both.

OK we have a name.. off we go.

The result:

'Get help', nude tradesman told

A bayside cabinet maker who exposed his penis and masturbated in front of female clients while renovating their home kitchens has been ordered to seek help by a Brisbane magistrate.

English-born Mark Stephen Owen, proprietor of Capalaba-based Mark's Kitchen Makeovers, admitted to engaging in the "bizarre behaviour" at the homes of seven women over nearly a decade, between 1999 and 2008.

He would flash at his victims by deliberately allowing himself to be exposed in shorts and tight pants.

He masturbated in the homes of three women, often calling the women into the kitchen area where he was working and smiling at them when they realised what he was doing.

and how did we end up with Grommet?

Mr Shillito also sought the forfeiture of "penis rings" worn by Owen during the offences and confiscated by police.

"He did wear them to work with the intention of enlarging his genitals," Mr Shillito said.

Mr Chowdhury said his client wanted the items back, but Magistrate Noel Nunan granted the forfeiture order.

"I think he can do without them ... so he won't be tempted again," he said.

That dear reader is Police work at it's best.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Culture MY ASS

Today one of my favourite oxygen thiefs Andrew Bolt has a go at the North of Melbourne in his column:

Column - A culture that drove five to their deaths

As a resident of northern Melbourne I am ashamed of Bolt. What a fool. He simply lays blame at the tragic death of 5 teenagers as a cultural issue in the north of Melbourne.

He is quite quick to lay blame on the area, the youth, the parents, the 'culture' as he says it. As his last paragraph says:

No, it’s not our laws that need changing; it’s their culture. And until - if ever - that’s done, drunk kids will smash into trees.

their culture? WTF does that mean? and why is it any different to the culture in other areas? Gee nothing like that would happen in other areas of Melbourne like Williamstown or Bayswater or Hawthorn. Or anywhere in fact!

Take off your rose coloured glasses Bolt. Bogans are everywhere and Dickheads are everywhere, just look in the mirror and you will see one looking back at you

Monday, January 25, 2010

I had the same look as Clint

As seen in today's Age website:

Friday, January 22, 2010

Is this why Rupert wants a Paywall?

I know I would pay for quality news coverage like this:

Woman kills boyfriend by sitting on him

A WOMAN who weighed 136kg has pleaded guilty to killing her much smaller boyfriend - by sitting on him.

Police in Cleveland said Mia Landingham and Mikal Middleston-Bey, who have three children together, got into an argument in August.

During the altercation Landingham sat on Middleston-Bey, who weighed 54.4kg.

Landingham was sentenced to three years probation and 100 hours community service on Wednesday after pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter, Fox8 reported.

She was immediately released from jail.

Her attorney told said there was a long history of domestic abuse in the relationship. He asked Judge Carolyn Friedland for leniency and pointed out she has no prior criminal record.

"I just want to say that I am sincerely sorry about this situation. I wish I could take it back,” she said.

During Landingham's sentencing, her boyfriend's family spoke of the pain she has caused their family.

"I just want to let you know how much you have hurt us by taking Mikal away from us," said Sharon Phillips, the victim's step-mother.

While Middleton-Bey's family hoped Landingham would eventually be able to take part in her children's lives, they were surprised that she got no additional jail time.

"So basically you can say that I can go sit on somebody and get probation?" said one of the victim's sisters.

"I feel there wasn't no justice."

Landingham faced a maximum of five years behind bars.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Man opens bag of Cheese Rings, finds one

From: Northern Territory News January 20, 2010 4:05PM

A DARWIN man has opened a bag of chips and found only one inside.

The Northern Territory News reports Phil Jackson, 54, of Wanguri, brought the Cheese Rings to work with him on Monday.

When he opened the bag he was stunned to find it contained only one solitary ring - barely a mouthful.

"I was devastated," he said. "I put it down to the GFC - money's tight, times are hard."

The innocent snack attack victim had bought them in a large variety pack from a Coles supermarket.

Coles spokesman Jim Cooper said he would get a replacement pack.

"We certainly aren't in the business of giving people a single cheese ring in the packet," Mr Cooper said.

Mr Jackson was philosophical, saying the day before he had gone to KFC to get a five-piece wing pack, only to find six pieces inside.

"What you lose on the hurdy-gurdy you pick up on the roundabout," he said

Monday, January 18, 2010

Kosky Quits

Public Transport Minister Lynne Kosky resigns from parliament for family health reasons.

It will be interesting to see who Brumby installs in the no win Public Transport folio.

UPDATE: Tim Pallas has the job. I do not envy him.

Friday, January 15, 2010

End of an Era

Farewell Tote.
As the last paragraph says:

"Bands such as the White Stripes, the Meanies, Spiderbait, the Lemonheads, Magic Dirt, You Am I, Fugazi, Cosmic Psychos and the Hoodoo Gurus have all played the Collingwood venue."

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Thank God for the porn industry

Now before anyone gets on their high horse the title of this post is a direct quote from an article in today's Age.

I suggest you read the article to figure out how Porn innovations relate to geography lessons in school.

The latest thing is 3D tv following on from the current crop of 3D movies and of course what is now happening is 3D porn movies! I suggest not sitting too close to the TV for those shows!!!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

New Tram Operator Results in Amazing Performance

Well not really. But hey Clay Lucas at the Age reckons magical results should have occured.

With the same trams, same infrastructure, same employees do you think there would be much change?

Neither did I.

PS welcome back for 2010.