UP HERE in CAZALY

Who Says News Cannot be Funny?

2011-01-17T10:17:00.002+11:00

Surprisingly this was not on the front cover of the Herald Sun this morning:

River rescue as sex toy ditches rider
Thomas Hunter
January 17, 2011 - 6:31AM

A bizarre decision to ride an inflatable doll down a flood-swollen Yarra River blew up in a woman’s face yesterday when she lost her latex playmate in a rough patch.

The incident prompted a warning from police that blow-up sex toys are "not recognised flotation devices’’.

Police and a State Emergency Services crew were called to the rescue when the woman and a man, both 19, struck trouble at Warrandyte North about 4.30pm yesterday.

They were floating down the river on two inflatable dolls and had just passed the Pound Bend Tunnel when the woman lost her toy in turbulent water.

She clung to a floating tree, calling for help while the man stayed with her. Fortunately for the pair, a passer-by called triple zero while while a kayaker took life jackets to the pair. Police and the SES crew hauled the water-logged thrillseekers to safety.

But, with Queensland in the grip of a deadly emergency and 50 rescues from flood waters around Victoria in the past week, police were not amused at the pair's "stupid" actions.

‘‘We’ve got people busy with rescues and to have to divert resources to that sort of thing is not ideal," said Senior Constable Wayne Wilson

‘‘Most rescue organisations would frown on people behaving in such a manner because there are people out there who are in genuine need of assistance,’’ he said.

The rescued pair were checked by ambulance officers but did not require medical attention.

‘‘The fate of the inflatable dolls is unknown,’’ said Senior Constable Wilson.

You will note your flotation device is fitted with a ... for extra inflation and a whistle and light to attract attention in case of an emergency.

Q: What do Miley Cyrus and Andrew Bolt Have in Common?

2010-12-16T14:25:00.002+11:00

A: They both have a passion for Salvia.

And I never thought I would ever group them together.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

2010-12-14T11:42:00.004+11:00

SO you know I have been living in Sydney for work over the last few months.

Living in a new city alone can be challenging and interesting. Today I am going to share with you an interesting evening from a few weeks ago.. Well it really is two evenings spaced a couple of weeks apart.

Night One
I ventured to an establishment in Darling Harbour in search of $5 pizzas and a decent beer. Having found said venue I found a seat on a table sharing bench seats with two guys at the other end. I find out one of them lives in the same apartment block as me.. odd.

So I ask, "where is a good spot to go for a quiet beer around here?"
"I own a bar" replies the other guy. odd.

So after Pizza and beers we head off to check out this guys bar. At this point I start thinking od Police Academy and the Blue Oyster bar:

Luckily the bar is nothing like that! Anyway I get told that the owner is good friends with a magician who drops in most nights for a beer or two. Ok no worries I think as I finish off another free drink.

On to Night Two

A couple of weeks later i am standing outside a noodle shop waiting for my vegeterian non meat fake chicken real vegie stir fry when the guy from downstairs walks past saying the magician would be at the bar and i should pop in.

So after the Tofu Chicken Real Vegie Stir fry with noodles (authenticity to be verified) i heade to the bar. Magician is there. After a few beers discussing the merits of palm reading and beer he suggests he will "do a few tricks". 4 hours later he is still going. i am drunk and it is past 1am.

http://jackblackmagic.com/htmlCloseup.php

I stagger home still trying to figure out how he could do some of the tricks. I still have not got it figured out. When Night Three occurs I will let you know!

Back In Melbourne . . . well sort of

2010-12-13T11:55:00.001+11:00

The project i am working on in Sydney has had another delay outside of my control resulting in being in Melbourne for a few days and Sydney for a few days each week.

Bit strange to be disjointed and not working on one thing or another but stuck somewhere in the middle.

It looks like i will be back in Sydney full time in the New Year so I will enjoy the Monday morning sleep in while I can.

Who Knew Love Could be so Painful?

2010-12-08T13:03:00.003+11:00

Swedish couple's sex act ends with man stabbed, woman arrested

A SWEDISH couple's attempt to make things more interesting in the bedroom ended with a man stabbed in the thigh and his girlfriend in police custody.
Police believe alcohol may have contributed to the sexual mishap that began when a 47-year-man cut off his girlfriend's stockings with a knife, the Expressen newspaper said.

He then handed her the blade and she attempted to slash through his underwear. But the encounter turned from pleasure to pain when the 36-year-old woman accidentally stabbed her lover in the thigh.

"From what we understand, it was a sex act that went a bit wrong," a police spokeswoman said.

The injured man was taken to a hospital in Vasteras, central Sweden, to be treated for blood loss, while his partner was initially arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault. But despite the cut, the man did not file formal charges.

"She is very sorry and remorseful," the police spokeswoman added.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

2010-12-07T12:34:00.001+11:00

Oh god I am getting old..

37!

Normal programming to resume shortly.

Week Three - Some Sydney Observations

2010-11-05T09:33:00.002+11:00

Back to Sydney again this week and I thought I would pass on some more observations. Now I know there will be some who do not agree with these. But hey you get the idea:

1. Not all Sydney Walkers are slow. But most of them are.

2. I have a pair of shoes that when scuffed on the footpath make the same sound as when the red man turns green at the pedestrian lights. I nearly sent a kid into the fron of a bus the other day because he was too busy texting to bother to look to see if the actual lights had changed. (insert evil laugh here)

3. I have to admit i like the way some pedestrian traffic light work to allow ease of traffic flow without hindering pedestrian movements.

Why do they ask Gai Waterhouse?

2010-11-01T23:08:00.005+11:00

Firstly I have won as many Melbourne Cups as Gai Waterhouse.

She has shit me for decades. She has done nothing in the Melbourne Spring Carnival. A few weeks ago one of her horses won a Caulfield Cup, her first one. Seriously she has no idea how to train horses for Melbourne. She should stick to the Autumn Carnival in Sydney.

When she wins a Melbourne Cup I might listen to her bullshit ramblings.

Post Race Update:

Gai continues her amazing streak. No doubt Channel 9 will be crossing to her for all the action. I do not know why. how did her big chance go:

Descarado did not finish.

Shonky Products and Zooper Doopers

2010-10-26T12:59:00.005+11:00

When I was a teenager I played tennis during the summer months. Being in a country town I would often have to play the same people in the competition. One particular day I came up against a tennis player who i had never beaten before.

It was a hot day and before the game i ate an orange zooper dooper. I went on to win the game of tennis. "Wow" I thought, "the zooper dooper must have made a difference."

So for the next 4 weeks I ate an orange zooper dooper before the game of tennis but never played quite as well as that week.

So today I read the following article and was not surprised. Orange zooper doopers are cheaper and who knows, there may be some benefits in the flavourings and suger content!

Choice statement October 26, 2010 - 11:59AM
.People's Watchdog Choice unveils the 2010 shonkiest companies

The shonkiest, meanest and silliest rip-offs and scams have been named and shamed today at the 2010 Annual Shonky Awards, hosted by the people's watchdog , consumer group Choice.

A total of eight companies and products were chosen for this year's awards: supermarket giant Coles; Commonwealth Bank; pain relief brand Nurofen; whitegoods brand LG; wristband "sporting aid" Power Balance; rope producer Medalist; website babynamemeans.com and a selection of olive oil brands.

Advertisement: Story continues below While 2010 brings revised processes and new consumer and credit laws the annual Choice Shonky Awards continue to act as a reminder that consumers need to be as vigilant as ever.

Christopher Zinn, spokesman for Choice comments: "This is the fifth year of the Shonky's and you'd think most companies would be doing their best to ensure they're delivering good honest products and services.

"Yet year after year we're continually amazed by marketers' efforts to take Australians for a ride."

The 2010 Shonky winners:

.
.
.

Company: Power Balance

Product: Power Balance band

Background information: Despite the promotion blurb promoting benefits for natural energy flow the Power Balance band is simply just a rubber band bracelet with a plastic hologram. Heaving endorsed by sporting pros it retails for a mere $60 alongside claims it somehow makes you stronger, more poised and just better. The band was tested at Choice under controlled lab conditions which showed it did little else than empty purchasers' wallets.

Dam Buster of.... Ballina

2010-10-20T11:50:00.002+11:00

Yes readers the magical tour continues. I am just back after two days in the Ballina area of northern NSW. Some notes:

How long does it take to get a coffee made in the Northern Rivers area of NSW?
How can anyone function with the daylight savings / no daylight savings issues on the border and specifically the ariport.

Anyway back to Sydney for a few days.

Dam Buster of .... well Sydney

2010-10-13T09:25:00.002+11:00

Hello everyone,

Yes I know it has been a long time between posts. The life and times of DB have been a little hectic to say the least.

So where am i? Sydney
WTF are you doing there? Workin
Why? Because I was requested by a client to help with a project
How long? until xmas at least

So there you go. Expect a few posts about why this place is different to Melbourne.

First thing - Coffee. In Melbourne you cannot turn around without tripping over a Barrista with a proper coffee. Sydney expect Gloria Jeans instead.. errk. I have found a few decent ones so far.

Second thing - Walking pace. Melbourne will take over as Australia's biggest City soon. Why? because we walk faster than Sydney-siders. Melbournians walk like they are 3 mins late for the 5;15 to Belgrave. Sydney-siders amble taking up the whole path while at it!

more to come...

In China they do things Different

2010-08-24T11:36:00.002+10:00

The Herald Sun is reporting that in China they have the fastest trafic jam around:

Hmm 100km/hour is pretty fast for traffic that is not meant to be moving.

Seatbelts Do Save Lives

2010-08-03T13:55:00.002+10:00

Or should I say, not wearing them costs lives.

The fact that it is 40 years since the law was passed regarding complusory seat belt wearing in Victoria has some signifigance to me. You see when I was 18 in my first year of Uni living i nMelbourne away from home I got a knock on the door on a Sunday night.

The girl who knocked on the door was from the same country town as me and she told me that her parents had heard a good friend of mine had been in an accident. Scott my mate, probably one of my closest friends at the time had been back to the country for the weekend to play footy, to catch up with mates and to have a good time before heading back to Melbourne to work.

He and I used to hang out in Melbourne as we were the only 2 guys from my year who moved to Melbourne, he for a trade, myself to go to Uni. Scott and I would catch up after work/uni and go for dinners, or beers, or both! In fact when the knock on the door occured I had a bag of his clothes in my cupboard because i lent him some clothes to go out in.

Back to the Sunday night.. the girl told me that it was quite serious and that I should make some calls. I rang my parents but the had not heard much. I rang friends and the news came back that things were not good.

Scott had been taken by Ambulance to Hospital where he was on life support. two days later his parents turned off the machine because he was brain dead. He was 18, the oldest of 4 boys and a true friend.

Over the following days I heard that what had happened was that Scott and another friend had been to visit some others and were on the way back to town, Scott a bit of a risk taker was not fond of the seatbelt in the old car as the clip was hard to undo (he had told me as such on previous road trips). He took a dodgy bend too fast and rolled the car about 400m from his parents house. Scott was thrown out, the passenger escaped with a fractured arm.

Again - he was 18, eldest of 4 brothers and a friend to everyone. he died within sight of his parents house all because he didnt like doing up his belt.

I do reflect on what could have been with Scott. A true mate who would have been a friend for life. To me it is already half a life ago.

So please Buckle Up.

Vote Early and Vote Often II

2010-07-28T16:35:00.003+10:00

Before you vote on 21 August I suggest you read the following article penned by Mungo MacCallum in 2007 after John Howard was ousted:

The dubious legacy of John Winston Howard
Mungo MacCallum writes:

John Winston Howard was Australia’s second longest-serving Prime Minister, presiding almost unchallenged over the political landscape for well over a decade.

His time in government can not be dismissed lightly. However it can be dismissed heavily, so here goes.

Even on his political deathbed, Howard insisted that his government had delivered great economic reform. In fact in almost 12 years he implemented just three important changes, all of highly dubious merit.

The first was to move the responsibility for monetary policy from the elected government to the government-appointed Reserve Bank. This meant that he no longer had to take the blame for rises in interest rates, while of course continuing to demand the credit for falls. This early switch developed into a pattern: throughout his prime ministership, Howard steadfastly refused to accept responsibility for anything. Only on Saturday night, with nothing left to lose, was he prepared to own up.

Howard’s second legacy was the never-ever GST, a particularly nasty piece of regressive taxation whose only virtue is its universality; if a GST is absolutely comprehensive it is impossible to avoid. By compromising with Democrats to exempt some so-called essential items, Howard destroyed even this advantage. The GST remains an unfair and lazy way of collecting revenue, and has led to an immensely complicated series of benefits and hand outs to compensate for its ill effects. It is now entrenched as monument to Howard’s political dishonesty and economic incompetence.

The third innovation was, of course, WorkChoices. Unheralded and badly thought out, this grab-bag of ideological thuggery was thrust upon a startled electorate when an unexpected opportunity arose, and the results are now clear. Some of its worst features have already been quietly disposed of, and most of the rest will go as soon as the senate allows. What is left will indeed constitute reform of the industrial relations system; but it will not be the “reform” of which Howard boasted.

Howard’s other claim is that he leaves Australia a stronger, prouder and more prosperous country than he found it.

Stronger? Well, that it depends how you measure it. Howard huggers have always claimed that in international affairs, Australia now punches above its weight. What they actually mean is that Howard was duchessed by George W Bush, who found him a very amenable acolyte. The rest of the world saw us in that light. Stronger should mean more independent, and self-confident. The only bit of Australia in which those qualities are more obvious is the Australian cricket team.

Prouder, then? Certainly more arrogant, less tolerant – the pride that is counted among the seven deadly sins. But prouder of real and lasting achievement? What achievement?

And more prosperous – some people certainly are, much; and the country’s overall wealth has grown, although Howard has had very little to do with that. But we are also far, far deeper in debt, and less secure as a result. By an economist’s measure, our material wealth has grown; but if prosperity is seen as a wider indicator of quality of life, as genuine happiness, Howard failed us badly.

And if we are wealthier, at what cost? We are certainly not the people we were in 1996 when the government last changed.

For more than eleven years, John Howard led us on a voyage driven by greed and fear, into parochialism and paranoia, selfishness and racism, bigotry and corruption, and other dark places in the Australian psyche where we never should have gone. It was a mean and ugly trip, and it will take us all a long time to recover.

As he left the Wentworth hotel on Saturday night surrounded by his weeping and cheering entourage of orcs my main feeling was not of exultation or even euphoria, but of relief—the same sort of reaction I had to Cathy Freeman’s win at the Sydney Olympics, or at the moment, 17 years ago, when I stubbed out my last cigarette. The result was long-anticipated and entirely welcome, but how dreadful I, and many others, would have felt if it had not happened.

And on that note spare a thought for Labor’s patriarch, Gough Whitlam, who against
most expectations has survived to see another Labor government in Canberra. The final word should be his: a great quotation which he used in another context altogether, but which is utterly appropriate for November 24, 2007: E quindi uscimmo a reverder le stelle.

It is the last line of Dante’s Inferno, describing the poet’s return from hell, and it means: And thence we emerged, to see the stars again.

But if Howard was wrong about most things, he at least got Peter Costello right.
For eleven years the man sat there drooling, lusting after the leadership of his party, talking up a storm to his credulous colleagues, plotting with sycophants, sending out his dwarfish messenger Glenn Milne to relate improbable stories of his talent and support. He never actually had the guts to do anything about it, but by golly he let it be known that when the opportunity came, he would show us all.

And when his party was not only ready to offer him the prize, was indeed in real need of his services, Costello spat the dummy right out of the ground. Prime Minister, with all the trappings of office and all the resources of government, would be just fine; but leader of the opposition, the challenge Kevin Rudd took on at precisely Costello’s age before sweeping to victory in less than a year, looked just a little too much like hard work. Poor Petey-pie, too old at fifty, too lazy at any time.

When his colleagues are considering a farewell gift for him, they should pass over the gold watch and all chip in for an iron lung. This would at least remove any lingering doubt over whether Peter Costello would work in one.

I think what Howard stood for is aligned to what the Liberal Party want back.

Naughton's to be Nought?

2010-07-28T09:27:00.003+10:00

I read today on The Age website that Naughton's will be closing this Friday:

Last drinks called at Naughton's
July 28, 2010

A PART of Melbourne dies on Friday - the Naughton's Hotel in Parkville is calling last drinks.

A mainstay to university students, political apparatchiks and Carlton footy teams, Naughton's - built in 1873 - was more than a pub, it was a part of Melbourne's fabric.

Now Melbourne's booming real estate sector may be the reason behind the hotel's demise.

Gee whiz. Who would have thought? Now I was not a frequent customer of Naughton's although i did once win 50 free pots on Grand Final day. Ohh what a day.

It was not my favourite pub in the Carlton area. Not by a long shot. I was more a Clyde man. When I was at Uni I felt that Naughton's was full of gits from the College's from that side of the Uni.

There goes another pub off the pub crawl list i used to run.

Of the 14 on the list in 1993, almost all have changed hands and been renovated.

Here are some that come to mind have closed:

Station hotel Fitzroy;
Joker Bar/ Albion Hotel Carlton;
Hotel Canada Carlton;
Naughton's hotel Carlton;
Lemon Tree Carlton; and
Daicos Pub that later become known for where Benny V got shot in the gangland war.

here is a list from the time.
http://www.galactic-guide.com/articles/2R47.html

Vote Early and Vote Often

2010-07-26T15:50:00.004+10:00

Now i hope you have all enrolled to vote? . . . Good.

Now please make sure your vote counts on the 21st of August. Because frankly my vote won't. Well my house of Reps vote won't count for much.

Why not? I hear you ask.. Well this is why:

Very Safe Labor 26.0%

Yep. It is the safest Labor seat in Australia. So when you look at what the good people of Eden-Monaro get in the sitting governement's bid to retain power it is amaznig compared to my little seat.

So unless about 10,000 of my neighbours agree to change the way they vote not much will change. Labor does not spend much money or effort there because they have it in the bag and the Liberals won't spend any because they wll never win the seat. All that can happen is if the seat goes a similar way as the seat of Melbourne and the Greens can shake them up a little.

Only time will tell.

Ad Linking Gone Crazy

2010-07-20T15:44:00.005+10:00

So I go to look at a video about how a real Hare got in the way of a Greyhound Race in Shep and look at the ad that pops up:

Gold. I love algorithms that link ads to story content.

WTF 35 - Jesus I am coming!

2010-07-09T16:31:00.003+10:00

I think there is a lesson in here for all of us!

Sexual arousal led to nanny's death

A YOUNG woman died from a heart attack caused by sexual excitement while watching porn, an inquest heard.

Nicola Paginton, 30, a children's nanny, was found dead in bed last October with a vibrator by her side and an erotic movie playing on her laptop.

A Home Office pathologist told the inquest in Gloucester that Miss Paginton died from a sudden heart arrhythmia, probably brought on by her state of arousal.

Coroner Alan Crickmore ruled her "activity before death" contributed to the fatal cardiac arrest and recorded a verdict of natural causes.

The inquest heard Miss Paginton, of Cirencester, Gloucs, was found dead on October 15 2009.

Det Sgt Gavin Webb said police were called by her employer, Sarah Griffiths, after she did not turn up for work.

Mrs Griffiths had seen Miss Paginton the day before and said she had appeared to be fit and well.

Start of sidebar. Skip to end of sidebar.
.End of sidebar. Return to start of sidebar.
She went to her home, but when she couldn't get an answer at the door, she enlisted the help of a neighbour to break in.

Miss Paginton's GP Laura Patterson said she suffered fainting episode in 2007.

Pathologist Dr Richard Jones said there was no evidence of natural disease or trauma, but he said a fainting episode may indicate a possible heart problem.

He said: "There is nothing to explain why she died in this way but I suspect sudden cardiac death.

"In individuals who have this heart abnormality there is usually a trigger - something like an alarm bell or a telephone.

"In Nichola's case the increase in heart rate may be associated with physical arousal."

I wonder what Cardinal Pell would think about all of this?

WTF 34 - Speeding Lesbian Pensioner???

2010-07-09T10:48:00.003+10:00

Seriously there are so many odd things about this story. Not the least Mildura for the weekend? And how does a Holden vectra do 164km/hr?

Elderly woman clocked at 164km/h says she was visiting young lover

A GRANNY hoon driver has vowed to keep getting behind the wheel - even if
her licence is revoked.

But police, who intercepted 81-year-old Judith Slade driving at 164km/h on Monday afternoon, will apply to have her grounded permanently.

Mrs Slade was pursued by Leading Sen-Constable Nik Probyn for four kilometres, with the lights on his police car blinking and sirens blaring, along the Murray Valley Hwy at Lake Boga until she pulled over.

Because of her age and her driving, police now want to see her licence cancelled.

But Mrs Slade said she had no choice but to continue driving because she would not be separated from her secret lover, with whom she spent the weekend in Mildura. Both were returning from Mildura in separate cars when Mrs Slade was pulled up.

"What difference would it make if they took my licence from me?" she said.

"I'll just buy more cars and they can take them away, too. I could buy another one now just to fight this and cruise past the police station, and say, 'Here I am'."

Mrs Slade admitted she knew she was speeding but blamed her Jack Russell, Aca.

"My friend, she was ahead, and I overtook her," she said.

"Aca then jumped on my leg and wanted to sit there, pushing down hard.

"I had to drag him off . . . and throw him on to the back seat.

"I realised I was going fast.

"I was passing another vehicle. What was I supposed to do?"

Mrs Slade had another explanation for continuing to drive as the unmarked police car pursued her Holden Vectra.

"I thought the police car, with its lights, was a wide-loader," she said. "Then I heard the siren and thought, 'Oh, it's a police car'. I thought they were blue and white."

Yesterday, with her car impounded for four days, and expecting hundreds of dollars in fines, Mrs Slade said she was being punished enough.

She said she could no longer afford a cruise to New Zealand with her friend.

"What I'm losing now, this is a lot," she said.

"My friend, she has been punished and so have I.

"Isn't that enough to make me feel sorry for what I did?

"I won't speed again, that's for sure.

"If they get nasty, I'll just think, what the hell does it matter -- I'll drive after dark."

For at least the past year, there has been a condition on her licence banning her from driving more than 30km from Heathcote.

Mrs Slade said nothing would stop her seeing her lover, who she said was almost half her age.

She is expected to be charged on summons with exceeding the speed limit, driving at a dangerous speed and failing to obey her licence conditions.

Sweet Jeebus I am glad I no longer live up that way. The roads near Lake Boga will be safer for it.

Knackers Rating - Pub Crawl Generator

2010-05-31T16:48:00.008+10:00

In August some friends and I are off to Sydney for an away trip. It will include drinking, so after some google magic I came across this little gem:

The pubcrawl generator.. nice. Plug in the start and end and it gives you the pubs / bars along the way. If it had links to the hotels I would give it a higher score.

SO what's the rating?

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Today I am giving PubCrawl Generator a rating of 3.172 knackers.

It would have gone close to four with links to the pubs websites or review pages. Maybe they can add to it later. Bonus score for the website header "Plan your drinking without thinking".

Ahh the memories

2010-05-21T16:20:00.002+10:00

Who can forget the cool games made into this movie.

Some days you are the Statue, some days you are the Pigeon II

2010-05-17T14:17:00.002+10:00

Q: How do you make an 86 year old swear?

A:

Jack Harris finds jigsaw piece missing after seven years working on puzzle

May 17, 2010 9:40AM

PATIENT Jack Harris spent seven-and-a-half years doing a 5000-piece jigsaw - only to find one piece missing.
The 86-year-old turned his house upside down but fears it was eaten by one of his family's dogs, The Sun reported.

And it has taken him so long to do the puzzle he can't buy a replacement as the manufacturers have stopped making it.

The giant jigsaw was a Christmas gift from daughter-in-law Eve in 2002.

He confidently predicted he would have the 1.5m-square monster, showing James Tissot's The Return of the Prodigal Son, completed by the following summer.

But Jack struggled and the mass of pieces dominated his dining table for more than seven years as he strived to complete it.

When he finally began putting the last pieces together he was dismayed to find he had only 4999 and a tiny hole in the middle.

Daughter-in-law Eve, who is married to Jack's son Trevor, said he was "so disappointed" when he found there was one piece missing.

She said: "We got him this one as a bit of a joke really because he always boasted he could get them done so quickly.

"He a bit of a whiz with them but there was so much to do with this.

"We'd all have a go at it each time we went to see him but it seemed to just take forever.

"It was marvellous to see it finally completed. But when we saw there was a piece missing from the middle, we just couldn't believe it."

Retired businessman Jack has a new jigsaw from his family each year and his wife Doris helped do them with him.

But she died in February 2004, leaving him to complete the marathon task on his own.

They say it is a hoax but still report it??

2010-05-14T16:58:00.004+10:00

Why have they even put it on the news website if it is a hoax?

White woman 'gives birth to black child' after watching black porn star on 3D TV
By staff writers From: news.com.au May 14, 2010 2:18PM

•Woman watching porn in 3D
•Lead role played by black man
•Site apologises for hoax

HERE'S one warning Samsung didn't put in the box for their 3D TVs.
Watching them can make you pregnant.

US woman Jennifer Johnson claims she suffered her hi-def 3D divine intervention while her soldier husband Eric was away serving in Iraq.

She said she was watching a pornographic movie with her friends when she came over "all dizzy".

A month later, she realised she was pregnant and now is the proud mother of a dark-skinned boy.

What's even more amazing is she and her husband are both white.

Ms Johnson told Techwatch that her 3D baby was "very much like the black porn star in the movie".

And if you, like most people, leap to the conclusion that Mr Johnson might be being played for a fool, think again, because he knows a scandal when he smells it.

"I see it as suspicious," he said.

"The films in 3D are very real. With today's technology, anything is possible."

It is, of course, a hoax. But it fooled many tech websites, including Gizmodo - that of the "stolen" iPhone 4G fame.

Unfortunately, it went even further.

Mediaite reports that the site that set up the hoax, Sensacionalista, was then forced to apologise to the woman and her child whose random image they grabbed off the internet to go with the false article.

“A week ago we published an article about the woman who claimed to get pregnant after watching a porn movie 3d," they posted.

"The article was fake and we used the photo that we found on the Internet.

"Unfortunatelly, the article spread around the world because some sites thought that it was real. That was not our intention.

"Sensacionalista is a small site from Brazil. We never thought that this could happen. That’s why we are asking this family to accept our sincere apology.

"That woman and her baby in the photo had nothing to do with this article. They are just a normal family trying to live they’re own lives.

"We apologize for wrongfully taking their photo and putting it in our article.

"Please, not to publish this article again and next time check what you read before you write. This site is a humor site. Nothing here is real.”

I got the email a week ago. So why is News publishing proven bullshit as "news"?

Someone is Listening

2010-05-14T14:31:00.001+10:00

Further to my previous post regarding Ebay and Paypal I noticed this news item:

eBay sellers can drop PayPal

Two years ago, eBay made two significant moves -- it tried to mandate that sellers offer PayPal and pushed for PayPal to be the only electronic payment platform on ebay.com.au.

The second proposition drew the ire of both buyers, sellers, the ACCC and even the Reserve Bank but the first idea went through largely unchallenged.

Since then the ACCC has been investigating complaints that eBay may have engaged in conduct that could contravene the Trade Practices Act by forcing sellers to offer PayPal, its subsidiary.

"We've been looking at that requirement where eBay said sellers must offer PayPal as one of the payment methods. We've had discussions with senior people at eBay and they have agreed to drop this," ACCC chairman Graeme Samuel said.

Today, eBay announced that sellers can choose at least one of three payment methods -- PayPal, Paymate and merchant credit cards -- from July 14.

There will be no change to other forms of payment currently allowed such as cash on delivery.

Good! Now work on the international transaction rorts!

Well the rates Appear Reasonable

2010-05-14T14:27:00.002+10:00

But i am unsure about the goose quill:

Apologies for the language. Apparently it is from 1912.

Back From Sydney

2010-05-13T11:19:00.002+10:00

I was considering doing a knackers rating on Sydney but I think it could be a bit harsh.

If you were wondering (and I doubt you were) i have been in Syd-a-nee for work over the last few days.

What a strange place it is. Firstly i did not see the harbour or any of the sites (other than the monorail travelling overhead) in the 2 days I was there.

Secondly I can now see why Sydneysiders have no appreciation of the Melbourne Cafe scene and how to get a real coffee. There are Gloria Jeans coffee places on every corner and that is it!

So anyway i am back In Melbourne where AFL is on TV and life is ok.

$3 a Copy Must Have Been Cheap Enough

2010-04-28T14:28:00.003+10:00

Herald-Sun typist Andrew "Don't Call me Right Wing" Bolt today stated his book 'still not sorry' is now Sold Out.

I have a signed copy of my sold-out book Still Not Sorry that I shall give away to anyone who rings me on talback tomorrow and mentions this offer.

Huh? Last time I saw it was in Dirt Cheap Books at $3 a copy. Oh how I wish I had a photo of it on the stalls. It is not sold out, it is out of print and being hacked off for pulp.

Some days you are the Statue, some days you are the Pigeon

2010-04-23T08:58:00.004+10:00

Karma is a bitch. But sometimes that bitch can take a step back and let this little freckled duck have a win for a change.

The other day I was parking the rust heap at work when I thought I saw something in the gutter.

Was it rubbish? no
Was it a discarded porn mag that the truck drivers in the area are fond of? no
Was it a Melbourne Storm membership card? no

It was:

Huzzah! The Milky bars are on Me!!

I only hope the note fell from the pocket of some dodgy melbourne Storm Official.

EBAY and PAYPAL RORT

2010-04-19T11:28:00.004+10:00

It shits me. Why is it that Paypal and Ebay have different currency conversion rates when they are owned by the same company?

Here is an example. A certain item being sold overseas in US dollars will be:

OK, so it will cost $8.61.. So log into Paypal and pay:

Hang on a minute, now it costs $8.82.

That equates to about 2.5% additional margin that ebay makes by falsely advertising the price of items. Of course you add to this the profit they make on advertising items and the seriously high paypal fees to both be paid and to get your money out.

If I said to you that something was worth $10 you would expect to pay $10, not $10.25.

Knackers Rating - Abbotsford Pub Crawl

2010-04-12T15:18:00.006+10:00

On the weekend I was lucky enough to venture out with a fine group of (cough) gentlemen for a nice afternoon of conversation and beer (not necessarily in that order).

After meeting at Victoria Park on a Joffa spotting expidition, which sadly we failed in finding the man, the group hit the side walks and visited a few local historically significant establishments.

Along the way we pubs including :

The Yarra Hotel

The Retreat

The Park

For those interested the Retreat is the location of many scenes from the television series "The Sullivans" and it still is largely the same as then in an original condition. It is what pubs used to be really like with small nooks and crannies including one area called "the Snug".

I highly recommend a walk along Nicholson Street in Abbotsford to visit these pubs to see the difference and to experience the history of inner suburban Melbourne as it was.

SO what's the rating?

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Today I am giving Abbotsford Pubs a rating of 3.685 knackers.

So if you have been there and want to complain leave a comment.

123 in a row

2010-04-12T11:17:00.002+10:00

Farewell to balmy days

PAUL MILLAR
April 12, 2010
.VICTORIA'S balmy spell ended yesterday with the maximum temperature slipping below 20 degrees for the first time since December 8.

The temperature peaked at 17.7 degrees in Melbourne in the mid-afternoon with strong winds buffeting St Kilda about 10.30am.

Bureau of Meteorology duty officer Geoff Feren said the city had not had any cold air incursions for a long time and it was a cool day across the state with snow in the high country.

''We scored 123 days yesterday [Saturday] and we have to go back to December 8 for a temperature that went below 20 degrees,'' Mr Feren said. The previous record was 78 consecutive days above 20.

Melbourne can expect a partly cloudy day with isolated showers and winds averaging 35 km/h with a minimum of 12 degrees and maximum of 20.

I have already had it mentioned to me 5 times this morning that it is cold.. Derr.

Bingle Effect Cannot Be Stopped

2010-04-01T09:36:00.002+11:00

Now you know the theory by now. Basically Lara Bingle has an effect on things. Her latest influence has somehow impacted on her manager Max Markson.

So over the last day or so it has come to light that Max has been dodging some speeding fines. Now it may be a little coincidence that ACA and Newscorp has got stuck into Markson because of his own high profile. But, could it be due to the corporations wanting more on the whole bingle saga and he not releasing enough?

Markson worker accuses boss of deceit over fines
RICK FENELEY
April 1, 2010

A FURIOUS staff member emailed the celebrity agent Max Markson on January 25 and complained that her job had ''many grey areas''. These involved not paying his speeding fines, instead waiting for a penalty to arrive for failing to nominate the driver of his company-registered BMW.

She added: ''Both you and I clearly know that you are the driver of the vehicle''.

''As you are aware,'' she said, ''this can have very serious legal ramifications for both you and me especially with the RTA cracking down on certain 'practices'. I have been doing what I have been directed by you.''

This explosive email lays bare a long-term practice at the Markson Sparks! agency, revealed by the Herald yesterday. The company spent at least $35,000 on speeding-related penalties over the past 20 months, during which speed cameras caught the BMW at least 20 times.

I guess time will tell.

The 'C' Word

2010-03-22T10:50:00.002+11:00

Not the 4 letter word to describe part of a woman's anatomy. Rather the six letter word Cancer.

I. Hate. It.

For those who have been around you may remember this post.

On Saturday evening Brett gave up his fight. All I can think of is how his mother (my cousin) is feeling at the moment in Sydney by herself with little financial or moral support. Also I am hurting for my Aunty (Brett's Granmother) who is the backbone of that side of my entire family.

People describe how hard it must be to bury a child, how about a grandchild?

Excuse me for a few days if I do not feel like posting.

99 and Counting

2010-03-17T10:50:00.003+11:00

The temperature in Melbourne today has already gone past 20 degrees. SO what?

Well that means that it is a run of 99 days in a row with the maximum temperature has been over 20 degrees Celcius. The previous record days in a row was 78.

Tuesday the 8th of December last year had a max temperature of 17.8 degrees. Since that date the daily recorded maximum temperature has been over 20.

I wonder if the newspapers will pick up on the 100 days in a row tomorrow if it reaches the forecast 28 degrees?

...and coming into the final turn is ... umm horse 11 followed by horse 12

2010-03-16T11:46:00.002+11:00

I feel sorry for race callers sometimes.

More Cash Than A Rudd Bonus

2010-03-10T11:09:00.002+11:00

I read today that one of the local schools is selling off surplus land to help develop the school further. Interesting to see if this results in other schools doing a simlar thing. This sort of development has occurred elsewhere within the council where factories have been bulldozed to make way for new residential development.

It is an interesting note that the school will be able to sell the school and keep the proceeds. I do not expect other schools to do the same unless they have excess surplus land as Thornbury High does. Normally such sales would result in funds going to general revenue (i.e. lost).

It is sad to think that the funds from previous school sales were not fed directly back to other local schools to help them develop.

How do you put this into a TAC AD?

2010-03-09T13:07:00.002+11:00

Florida woman crashes shaving bikini area From correspondents in Florida Keys
March 09, 2010

•Woman lets ex drive while she shaves
•Man crashes car into back of truck
•Pair switch seats; police not fooled
A WOMAN who shaved her bikini area while driving caused a car crash in Florida Keys, prompting police to issue fresh warnings about safe driving.
MyFox National reported today Megan Mariah Barnes, 37, crashed into another vehicle on Cudjoe Key after giving her ex-husband the wheel as she shaved her private parts.

Barnes was driving to meet her boyfriend in Key West and told authorities she wanted to be "ready for the visit," WJZ.com reported.

But Florida Highway Trooper Gary Dunick was not surprised when he came to the scene of the crash.

Dunick has had some crazy experiences pulling over drivers but said "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

Barnes crashed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet truck being driven by David Schoff, KeysNews.com reported.

Schoff had slowed down to make a right hand turn when Barnes's 1995 Thunderbird hit it at 72km/h - within the speed limit.

FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said that Barnes then allegedly drove a kilometre further down the road where she switched seats with her ex-husband Charles Judy so that it looked like she had not been driving.

Dunick said that Judy had burns from the passenger side air bag that proved he had not been in the driver’s seat. The air bag in the driver’s seat had not deployed.

Barnes should not have been driving in the first place. The day before the accident, she had been convicted and sentenced to nine months of probation for DUI and driving with a suspended licence.

Her licence was revoked for five years and she was ordered to get her car impounded.

Dunick said, "My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this. It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."

There are so many things wrong with this story. Her ex taking her to see her boyfriend? Already being done for DUI.

Here she is:

If you want to see some other news-worthy criminals try this link.

Is the Effect at Work Again?

2010-03-09T10:58:00.003+11:00

Clarke in sudden dash from tour
March 9, 2010 .

MICHAEL Clarke has made a sudden exit from Australia's tour of New Zealand for personal reasons. Team officials are uncertain if or when he will return.

The Age understands his hasty departure is related to issues involving his fiancee Lara Bingle and not to health concerns over his father Les, who has been battling cancer for some time.

So if the whole photo thing is upsetting Lara soo much why on earth has she sold her story for $200k? and kept the media bandwagon going on? Why wouldn't she just let it go and move on? Have to wonder.

Now I will admit I am not a legal expert but I am still wondering on what grounds the Lara camp have to take Fevola to court? If he did not distribute the photo or make a profit from the sale, how can they get financial restitution?

Max Must have a Boner

2010-03-04T11:54:00.003+11:00

Not over Lara because really she isn't that much chop. But seriously we have this:

After 3 days in a row on the front cover of the HUN.

In the words of John McEnroe "You cannot be serious"

oh I spoke too soon:

Lara Bingle to make $200,000 from magazine deal over shower picture, Brenda Fevola grilled by AFL before ad

It has emerged that Bingle may collect about $200,000 to tell her side of the story about the nude photo taken by Fevola during their 2006 affair.
Insiders said Woman's Day had outbid New Idea.

Bingle's manager Max Markson said the legal action against Fevola was "110 per cent still going ahead".

Mr Markson was coy when asked about a magazine deal.

"Nothing's signed, sealed and delivered. I'm always in negotiations on behalf of my clients," he said.

So let me get this straight. A 3 year old photo that has been in the media circles for at least a year is not published. Not a week after signing with MM the photo appears.

Now she is going to be paid $200k by the same magazine that published the photo???? coincidence????

"I wasn't about to become a desert version of Harold Holt"

2010-03-03T15:58:00.002+11:00

This is what Tony Abbott said after being stuck in the bush in NT for 6 hours.

Sorry Tony for a starter you are not the Prime Minister. But I wonder what sort of memorial would be erected for Tony if he did go missing? Could it rival the Harold Holt memorial pool??

The Tony Abbott memorial sandpit?
The Tony Abbott memorial dog toilet?
The Tony Abbott memorial women's health clinic?

Cricket Season Is Over

2010-03-03T10:33:00.002+11:00

And of course the No. 1 WAG (Wife and Girlfriend) Lara Bingle is in the news.

You know what I think of her.

So things have been quiet for Lara. Border medal is done and she was not eh main talking point. Not as much underwear advertising going on. Media profile dropping.

Then we had this on Feb 19:

Lara Bingle splits from her latest manager

Sources report that Bingle, who wants a bigger profile in fashion but has yet to find a partner, was guided by her stylist and close friend Christina Centenera when she decided to ditch the management team that previously brokered her lucrative contracts with Speedo, Vodafone and Synergy, said to be worth about $600,000 a year

Bingle is now in talks with Max Markson who represents the Chk-Chk Boom girl Clare Werbeloff and housetrasher Corey Worthington.

See a trend yet?

Then we had the fton page of the Herald Sun yesterday with:

Lara Bingle to sue Brendan Fevola over nude photo

Who is quoted in the article?????? You guessed it Max Markson.

But hang on a minute. Did Fevola publish the photo? nope. Woman's Day did so sue them.

And secondly Lara has gone topless before. Lara Bingle topless shots back on German internet site . That article was from 2008.

So seriously. We are going to have a court case over a single phone snap of her? Or is it as reported on the 19 Feb Lara wanting a bigger profile?

The photo has been around for ages. In fact as reported by Andrew Bolt the Herald Sun has had it for over 6 months. So why has it come out now? Also why is it that it came out only days after the cricket season had finished and not during?

My theory is that MM using his contacts has waited until the season was finished so not to distract Michael Clark and to do as intended, make Lara's profile bigger.

A smell a rat and he talks with a dodgy accent.

Knackers Rating - www.nearmap.com

2010-03-01T09:24:00.004+11:00

For a while now Google maps has had a strong lead in terms of aerial photograhy and maps that are used online to help find your way and to even allow you to see what a building looks like (so you know what to look for). Well there is something new on the web that may be of interest:

www.nearmap.com

Although it does not have all of the features of Google maps it does have a few things that are an interesting feature.

Historical Photos. It can show aerial photos over time, not just whatever is most recent. Also the photos are very recent in most cases (January 2010).

Take the new rectangular stadium being constructed near the Yarra:

Oct 2009

Jan 2010

Aspect Views. Want to see what a building looks like from an angle rather than from directly above? Well it has that as well.

There are even historical aspect views so you can see how a building of construction has progressed.

Overall google maps is better for mapping but for interest in how things develop the nearmp site has some amazing features. Also the clarity of the maps in some locations is very impressive. Almost too impressive.

So check it out. In terms of a knackers rating:

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

I give it 3.1764.

They Live Amongst Us

2010-02-26T11:01:00.004+11:00

Now please read the following story. Now before you get on your high horse about me having a go at illegal immigrants the title of this blog relates to the nut jobs who have commented on the story.

Illegal workers busted on fruit farm at Mooroopna, near Shepparton, and deported to Malaysia and Indonesia AAP From: AAP February 26, 2010 7:59AM

A GROUP of 76 illegal workers busted fruit picking in northern Victoria have been deported back to Malaysia and Indonesia after a mass immigration operation.
The 63 Malaysians and 13 Indonesians were flown home last night - the largest mass removal of illegal workers from Australia this decade, the government said.

They were nabbed during a raid on a caravan park last week in Mooroopna, just west of Shepparton, where they had been working illegally picking tomatoes and pears.

Eighty-five people were caught, with arrangements being made to deport the remaining nine workers - five Malaysians, three Koreans and a Nepalese person.

Immigration Minister Chris Evans said the 85 had entered Australia with valid visas before taking on the illegal work.

He praised the work of the immigration department.

"The fact that within the space of nine days these people have been located, detained and removed from Australia demonstrates the government's commitment to stamping out illegal work," Senator Evans said in a statement this morning.

He said employers faced fines of up to $13,200 and two years' imprisonment for hiring people with no work rights.

Companies can be docked $66,000 per illegal worker.

Now I do not condone the use of illegal workers to do jobs such as picking fruit but some jobs locals just do not want to do. But onto the real reason for the title "They Live Amongst Us". These are some of the comments so far:

Brian Wood of Sunbury Posted at 8:25 AM Today
cut the ability to work without a tax file number and big fines for hiring without one, and all illegals will be sorted fast, RUDD DO YOU HAVE THE GUTS?

Nice one Brian. Technically you are meant to provide a tax file number to get employed. It does not stop dodgy farmers trying to make a living by using Illegal workers. I am sure Kevin is reading the HUN and shaking in his slip ons.

harry of vic Posted at 8:28 AM Today
Now we have GOOD news. Keep it up. Sweep the country clean, rapidly, then progress to Christmas Island and do the same. Christmas Island holds opportunists NOT refugees! Cleanemout.

Torpedo Harry?

Neville of Bayside Posted at 8:32 AM Today
Well at least there are 78 new jobs created for lazy Australians on the dole who "can't find work". Must be plenty in the Shepparton area...

Nice keyboard work Nev. Why don't you head up the road from Bayside and have a look for yourself. Ever been to Shepparton?

Micko of Dandenong Posted at 8:32 AM Today
good ridance to bad rubbish

Micko or Sicko? Next you will complain about the price of your tins of fruit salad.

margaret webb Posted at 8:37 AM Today
are we making room for the illegal imigrants in detention.if they want to work..

No Margy, can I call you Margy? Those bloody queue jumpers won't work at all. Next thing you know they will move in next door to you and start staring at your dog.

thomas of Bundoora Posted at 8:39 AM Today
So the moral to this story is if you want to stay in Australia and not sent back where you came from then don't get a valid visa and certainly don't even consider doing a hard days work. Hopefully these people will be advised by the bloodsucking civil rights lawyers that seem to have set up regional offices in Indonesia and Christmas Island that the way to do it is to destroy all documents and start making demands from the Australian government!!

thomas (with a little t) please take your medication and watch the telly-tubbies for a while to calm down.

Pete of Melbourne Posted at 8:44 AM Today
This happens all the time, no wonder unemployment is so high. These people will work for less than minimum wage and the businesses that allow this are making heaps of money.

Pete. WTF are you on man? Unemployment high? where?

the Truth of Melbourne Posted at 8:52 AM Today
The government shouldn't pat itself on the back - they should be embarrassed that so any people managed to get in start working n the first place

Nice one Truth. (Please turn to Page 3 for our Norks out special on the way to the formguide). You say "get in". Didn't you read the article fool? They entered with valid visas.

Bill of Blackburn South Posted at 8:59 AM Today
Who is going to pick the grapes now?

Grapes Bill? Again you show your knowledge of grapes either through an anal affliction or drinking too much. They were picking tomatoes and pears. Muppet

So friends they are out there. And they have access to the interwebs.

Sorry I am on Leave

2010-02-23T08:17:00.002+11:00

No not me. The graphic artist from the Age:

At leas it is better than a previous effort.

Missed It By That Much

2010-02-17T13:33:00.003+11:00

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott in near miss with truck

OPPOSITION leader Tony Abbott has narrowly escaped a collision with a truck as he arrived to inspect part of the Princes Hwy west of Geelong this morning.
As Mr Abbott's car slowed to turn into a property beside the highway in Winchelsea, a van pulled out from behind his vehicle into the path of a truck, the Geelong Advertiser reports.

The truck driver narrowly managed to stop his vehicle jack-knifing in the dirt beside the road as stunned journalists and local politicians watched on.

The truck was about five metres away from colliding with the van and Abbott's car.

The truck wobbled on its wheels and at one stage came close to toppling.

Mr Abbott was shaken by the near miss when talking to the press minutes later.

"We just saw a moment ago how perilous this road can be,'' he said.

"You can never entirely eliminate danger on the roads but the better the roads are, the less hazard there is to traffic.

Mr Abbott was visiting Winchelsea to inspect the Princes Highway following calls over the years to have the notorious stretch of road duplicated between Geelong and Winchelsea.

However, despite his first hand experience, Mr Abbott stopped short of pledging any funding to the duplication at this stage.

I like the last sentence in bold above. What the hell was he doing there anyway?

UPDATE: An interview with the driver:

SABRA LANE: Twenty-nine-year-old Luke McCrae was behind the wheel of the truck. He was on his regular Melbourne to Warrnambool runs. He’s been driving trucks for about eight years.

LUKE MCCRAE: I was travelling down the road behind a mini bus. The mini bus slammed on the brakes, car sitting in the middle of the road. The mini bus tried to go around the car and ’cause I was in the truck behind with more weight, I had to try and go round you guys.

SABRA LANE: You seem to be pretty lucky to keep the truck upright.

LUKE MCCRAE: Very lucky.

SABRA LANE: Were you shaken up? I would imagine there was a fair amount of adrenaline running around your body.

LUKE MCCRAE: I didn’t realise how bad it was until I looked at it on the computer.

SABRA LANE: You’ve looked at the footage now?

LUKE MCCRAE: Yes.

SABRA LANE: What did you think when you looked at those pictures?

LUKE MCCRAE: Just lucky, that nobody got hurt.

SABRA LANE: When did you realise Tony Abbott was in that car?

LUKE MCCRAE: Oh, about 10 minutes ago.

SABRA LANE: Tony Abbott says that it’s a dangerous road, is it a dangerous road?

LUKE MCCRAE: Yes, it a dangerous road.

SABRA LANE: Were you disappointed that the COMCAR had pulled up where it had?

LUKE MCCRAE: Yes.

SABRA LANE: Is that particular road a dangerous stretch or was just dangerous because the COMCAR had pulled up where it had?

LUKE MCCRAE: Oh, it’s just because where the car had pulled up where it had.

The next question should have been:

If you knew it was Tony Abbott in the car would you have swerved?

Statistics and Lies

2010-02-10T15:52:00.002+11:00

Interesting Statistics:

One in three women, seven in 10 men watch online porn - study
From: NewsCore February 10, 2010 3:21PM

SEVENTY per cent of men and 30 per cent of women view pornography online - and it only becomes a "major problem" when taken to extremes, a study in Sydney has declared.
The research, on how porn affects people's work, finances and relationships, is being led by Dr Gomathi Sitharthan at the University of Sydney's Graduate Program in Sexual Health.

"Viewing porn online becomes a major problem only when people become so preoccupied that they spend 16 to 18 hours a day doing nothing else but watching porn, with serious impacts on relationships, work, studies, and finance," Dr Sitharthan said.

"In recent years we have seen increasing numbers of clients coming to counselling practices with online porn addictions.

"They come from all walks of life: students, teachers, lawyers, health practitioners and priests.

"Often they will come to counseling with another problem, and the underlying problem of addiction to internet porn may come out after two or three sessions.

"The sensitive nature of this issue means many people find it very hard to talk about."

Internet porn addiction was a growing problem partly due to its easy accessibility, Dr Sitharthan said.

She hoped the survey would further scientists' understanding of internet pornography addiction and how best to offer assistance to overcome it, as treatment options were limited.

Dr Sitharthan said she hoped for broader public discussion of the issue, particularly given the recent spotlight on sex addiction due to the case of shamed golf star Tiger Woods.

Members of the public were being invited to take part in the survey, which can be done online.
Somehow I doubt my work internet filter would allow me to go anywhere near THAT survey!

Operation Grommet A Success

2010-01-29T14:38:00.003+11:00

Sometimes the News is Strange:

So imagine you are in the Capalaba Police Station a few years ago and a complaint was made. You and some of your fellow officers get together in a meeting room with some bad coffee and a few donuts.

Whiteboard - check
Whiteboard marker - check

brainstorm people.. What are we going to call this thing..

.
.
.
.
.
I know boss - Operation Grommet

Grommets and eyelets are metal, plastic, or rubber rings that are inserted into a hole made through another material. They may be used to reinforce the hole, to shield something from the sharp edges of the hole, or both.

OK we have a name.. off we go.

The result:

'Get help', nude tradesman told

A bayside cabinet maker who exposed his penis and masturbated in front of female clients while renovating their home kitchens has been ordered to seek help by a Brisbane magistrate.

English-born Mark Stephen Owen, proprietor of Capalaba-based Mark's Kitchen Makeovers, admitted to engaging in the "bizarre behaviour" at the homes of seven women over nearly a decade, between 1999 and 2008.

He would flash at his victims by deliberately allowing himself to be exposed in shorts and tight pants.

He masturbated in the homes of three women, often calling the women into the kitchen area where he was working and smiling at them when they realised what he was doing.

and how did we end up with Grommet?

Mr Shillito also sought the forfeiture of "penis rings" worn by Owen during the offences and confiscated by police.

"He did wear them to work with the intention of enlarging his genitals," Mr Shillito said.

Mr Chowdhury said his client wanted the items back, but Magistrate Noel Nunan granted the forfeiture order.

"I think he can do without them ... so he won't be tempted again," he said.

That dear reader is Police work at it's best.

Culture MY ASS

2010-01-27T15:44:00.002+11:00

Today one of my favourite oxygen thiefs Andrew Bolt has a go at the North of Melbourne in his column:

Column - A culture that drove five to their deaths

As a resident of northern Melbourne I am ashamed of Bolt. What a fool. He simply lays blame at the tragic death of 5 teenagers as a cultural issue in the north of Melbourne.

He is quite quick to lay blame on the area, the youth, the parents, the 'culture' as he says it. As his last paragraph says:

No, it’s not our laws that need changing; it’s their culture. And until - if ever - that’s done, drunk kids will smash into trees.

their culture? WTF does that mean? and why is it any different to the culture in other areas? Gee nothing like that would happen in other areas of Melbourne like Williamstown or Bayswater or Hawthorn. Or anywhere in fact!

Take off your rose coloured glasses Bolt. Bogans are everywhere and Dickheads are everywhere, just look in the mirror and you will see one looking back at you

I had the same look as Clint

2010-01-25T11:21:00.002+11:00

As seen in today's Age website:

Is this why Rupert wants a Paywall?

2010-01-22T16:58:00.003+11:00

I know I would pay for quality news coverage like this:

Woman kills boyfriend by sitting on him

A WOMAN who weighed 136kg has pleaded guilty to killing her much smaller boyfriend - by sitting on him.

Police in Cleveland said Mia Landingham and Mikal Middleston-Bey, who have three children together, got into an argument in August.

During the altercation Landingham sat on Middleston-Bey, who weighed 54.4kg.

Landingham was sentenced to three years probation and 100 hours community service on Wednesday after pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter, Fox8 reported.

She was immediately released from jail.

Her attorney told said there was a long history of domestic abuse in the relationship. He asked Judge Carolyn Friedland for leniency and pointed out she has no prior criminal record.

"I just want to say that I am sincerely sorry about this situation. I wish I could take it back,” she said.

During Landingham's sentencing, her boyfriend's family spoke of the pain she has caused their family.

"I just want to let you know how much you have hurt us by taking Mikal away from us," said Sharon Phillips, the victim's step-mother.

While Middleton-Bey's family hoped Landingham would eventually be able to take part in her children's lives, they were surprised that she got no additional jail time.

"So basically you can say that I can go sit on somebody and get probation?" said one of the victim's sisters.

"I feel there wasn't no justice."

Landingham faced a maximum of five years behind bars.

STOP THE PRESS!!!

2010-01-20T16:20:00.002+11:00

Man opens bag of Cheese Rings, finds one

From: Northern Territory News January 20, 2010 4:05PM

A DARWIN man has opened a bag of chips and found only one inside.

The Northern Territory News reports Phil Jackson, 54, of Wanguri, brought the Cheese Rings to work with him on Monday.

When he opened the bag he was stunned to find it contained only one solitary ring - barely a mouthful.

"I was devastated," he said. "I put it down to the GFC - money's tight, times are hard."

The innocent snack attack victim had bought them in a large variety pack from a Coles supermarket.

Coles spokesman Jim Cooper said he would get a replacement pack.

"We certainly aren't in the business of giving people a single cheese ring in the packet," Mr Cooper said.

Mr Jackson was philosophical, saying the day before he had gone to KFC to get a five-piece wing pack, only to find six pieces inside.

"What you lose on the hurdy-gurdy you pick up on the roundabout," he said

Kosky Quits

2010-01-18T11:49:00.002+11:00

Public Transport Minister Lynne Kosky resigns from parliament for family health reasons.

It will be interesting to see who Brumby installs in the no win Public Transport folio.

UPDATE: Tim Pallas has the job. I do not envy him.

End of an Era

2010-01-15T17:06:00.003+11:00

Farewell Tote.
As the last paragraph says:

"Bands such as the White Stripes, the Meanies, Spiderbait, the Lemonheads, Magic Dirt, You Am I, Fugazi, Cosmic Psychos and the Hoodoo Gurus have all played the Collingwood venue."

Thank God for the porn industry

2010-01-13T14:13:00.002+11:00

Now before anyone gets on their high horse the title of this post is a direct quote from an article in today's Age.

I suggest you read the article to figure out how Porn innovations relate to geography lessons in school.

The latest thing is 3D tv following on from the current crop of 3D movies and of course what is now happening is 3D porn movies! I suggest not sitting too close to the TV for those shows!!!!

New Tram Operator Results in Amazing Performance

2010-01-12T11:33:00.002+11:00

Well not really. But hey Clay Lucas at the Age reckons magical results should have occured.

With the same trams, same infrastructure, same employees do you think there would be much change?

Neither did I.

PS welcome back for 2010.

Ho Ho Ho Merry Xmas

2009-12-22T16:34:00.001+11:00

And a Happy New Year.

Hope to catch you all safe and sound in the new year for more fun.

Part of the Public Transport Service - Kind of

2009-12-18T10:22:00.003+11:00

A while ago I commented on the very average taxi service in Melbourne compared to Brisbane. Well today I have a follow up post.

As I type I should be in a different office. Attending a meeting that started over 30 minutes ago via a cab that was booked yesterday. So what happened?

I and some of my colleagues just spent 45 minutes waiting for a taxi. Calls were made every 10 minutes to find out what happened. Apparently taxi services cannot guarentee a cab can be available even though it was booked a day in advance. WTF?

How Xmas Lights Should be Done

2009-12-10T16:21:00.002+11:00

If you are going to do something you may as well do it to the extreme:

It picks up about half way through.

I did not have sex with Tiger Woods

2009-12-08T13:25:00.002+11:00

Just to make sure everyone is clear on that!

I find it interesting that the sexual exploits of a golfer make such huge headlines around the globe. But really:

I highly doubt that "Celeb Smut is Real News".

Is This Thing On?

2009-12-01T13:48:00.006+11:00

Last Friday was my company's Xmas Party. Don't even try and call it an 'End of Year Function' to try and be PC. Call it what it is.. or in this case what it should have been.

Things had changed this year in comparison to the previous functions:

1. Stand up party with buffet and finger food vs sit down meal;
2. A venue that seperated people rather than a large room combining them; and
3. bad accoustics

I can understand the first 2 points are due to a combination of financials and room availability. The last one is beyond me.

Every year during the xmas party the state manager or one of the senior managers gets up and does a brief presentation on how the year has gone, thanks a few people, draws the winning tickets for the fundraising raffle and wishes everyone a merry xmas. That's it. 5 minutes. Then back to it.

At a more formal sit down dinner this is achieved easily as everyone is about to sit down to the main meal. It is also quite obvious if there are groups of people not sitting and they tend to shut up as well. In comparison at a Cocktail style party where everyone is standing and:

a) 80% of the people are drunker than the state manager;
b) 60% of the people are taller than the state manager; and
c) 92% of the people don't give a shit;

then it becomes a little bit more problematic. Imagine 300 odd people who had been ushered from another area, all standing around talking amongst themselves while a short man with a microphone tries to talk over them. Not much respect commanded or given.

It was very strange seeing a man laughing at his own jokes when he was the only one who could hear them. A man who had prepared notes on a few things that no one heard.

It truely a level of management.

That aside it was a reasonable night. Food was ok, beer was ok, room was ok. None of which were outstanding but serviceable. After the drinks finished at midnight a large number ventured to a nearby club where the latest I heard anyone got home was 5:30am. My time was 2:30am.

A Long Day in Brisbane

2009-11-23T13:35:00.003+11:00

Saturday was a long and enjoyable day for me.

The festivites started at around 10:40am at Melbourne airport and ended at around 3am Sunday morning at the Treasury Casino in Brisbane.

The reason for the trip was a Gentlemen's Trip Away coinciding with the Melbourne Victory playing Brisbane Roar on Saturday evening.

Some things I have learnt:

1. Brisbane has weather that is very condusive to drinking a lot;
2. A casino at 3am is a strange creature;
3. Vodka and Coke is a refreshing change;
4. Beer before noon is allowed; and
5. Apparently it rained in Melbourne.

So a few thanks have to be said to:

a) Ming the fabulous BlackJack dealer who turned my $100 into $200 in 10 minutes;
b) the 3 gentlemen who joined me on the trip and organised most of it;
c) The Caxton Hotel for somehow being able to be a sports bar and nightclub;
d) The casino bouncers for breaking a punters wrist just so the crowd at 3am had something to watch; and
e) My liver for still functioning today.

And if you are wondering the standard of cabs was excellent. And there were plenty of them still driving around at 3am compared to what happens in Melbourne.

Brisbane Taxi vs Melbourne Taxi

2009-11-12T10:05:00.005+11:00

I have a theory. Yes another one. As you may have read previously I have some concerns with Melbourne's Taxi services.

On the weekend I was in Brisbane for a family function and had the pleasure of a few trips in the local taxi services.

What I found were professional drivers who:

did not speak on mobile phones while driving;

had spotless clean cabs inside and out;

knew where they were going;

spoke very good english; and

were polite to the point of offering to carry luggage to and from the sidewalk at the airport and destination.

I discussed all of the above with a couple of the drivers and they could not believe that a driver would not keep up a standard as they did.

My thoughts on the taxi services in Brisbane will be confirmed in a couple of weeks when I am up there again.

How Odd is This?

2009-10-29T15:51:00.003+11:00

On the Monday before last someone decided to break into my car.

Now those who know my car realise it is not exactly the sort of vehicle that would contain GPS's, DVD players, Laptops or anything else of significant value. Or so I thought.

Last week I got the window that was broken repaired for what I thought was due to the sum total of about $9 of stolen coins from the glovebox.

Fast forward to this week and last night when I went to get something out of the boot only to realise that my spare wheel and jack have been stolen as well!

Seriously who needs a wheel and jack and decides to break into a car to flog them?

It certainly makes me wonder what other strange objects people have had stolen...

The Magic Dam Returns

2009-10-14T10:31:00.007+11:00

Not sure if you noticed but September had above average rainfall. It is only the 3rd above average month of rainfall in Melbourne over the last 3 years. I hope we get a lot more.

But in my view more importantly we have not had above average annual rainfall in Melbourne for 12 years:

So what happens when there is a bit of rain around.....

Yes you guessed it. Bolt uses his tried (or is that tired?) argument regarding the construction of a dam to capture water in lieu of any other options. It is a simple argument he uses, if it rains build a dam to get that water, if it doesnt we should be building one in case it does.

Ted Baillieu (you know the state oppostion leader) is in on the news today and is trying to make some mileage out of the situation. Remember Ted? thats right he is the guy who suggested we should build a dam on the Marybinong River in 2006.

Now I have done many posts about Bolt's incorrect use of estimates on the Mitchell River and I have posted here and on other blogs about his wrong use of statistics and the out dated cost estimates. There is no need to go over old ground there again. What I wanted to comment on was the common use of the Magic Dam by those opposed to anything being done.

So what is the Magic Dam?

As stated earlier the magic dam is used mainly by those in oppositon to claim any current government policy is wrong. The weather climate in Victoria and especially the rainfall is becoming more variable and as a result the run off into rivers is not as consistent. So those in opposition have to rely on the Magic Dam to chase any flood flows wherever they may occur.

Where has the Magic Dam been proposed?

In today's column by Andrew Bolt he rattles off the following rivers:

Yarra
Upper Yarra
Macalister
Mitchell

as locations where the Magic Dam could be built.

Funny. So based on Bolt logic (please do not try this at home!) we should build a handful of new dams in any number of different locations depending on what the forecast says, a few pumpstations some pipes and then rely on rainfall that has been below average for the last 12 years.

Sounds to me like Andrew has been eating too much of the magic pudding to me.

Why Do I Do This To Myself?

2009-10-13T10:41:00.002+11:00

Friday night was a big night:

Saturday was bad... Very bad.

The reason for the drinks was a going away and a good chance for a few of the old team to get together for the first time in ages. You know at the age of 35 you would think I would know better?

It was a good night (from what I can remember).

Melbourne Architectural Review

2009-10-07T15:34:00.005+11:00

SO I’ve just flown back from marvelling at the Coliseum in Rome, Schoenbrun Palace in Vienna and the Duomo in Milan with its hundreds of extravagant spires, each topped with a statue.

Yep this is seriously how Andrew Bolt returns from his holidays. I too have also seen those same buildings and marvelled at the size, scope and complexity within the structures. But, sadly I do not recall hundreds of spires at Milan's duomo.

Bolt is trying to comment on why Melbourne does not have Architectural wonders to draw tourists. Without dismissing the argument lets look at the statistics relating to tourist activities in Australia:

What Bolt forgets in his reasoning is that Australia's tourism drawcard does not rely on buildings (other than say the Sydney Opera House). It utilises Australia's natural assets and culture. Keri on her blog covers the discussion about culture and soul of a city.

The fact that Melbourne does not need to rely on buildings or gimmicks to attract tourists is a credit to the people and the place. This is something Bolt forgets. If tourists want to see historic buildings why would they bother flying from the UK to Australia when they can see the three buildings listed by travelling a fraction of the distance?

SO what of the three buildings Andrew listed as highlights of his European tour:

Duomo of Milan: Started 1386, finished 1965
Colosseum of Rome: Started 72AD, completed 80AD
Schoenbrun Palace in Vienna: Started 1696, completed c1918

Does Bolt seriously think the government should spend such massive amounts of funds, time and effort on a building as a tourist attraction? Seriously? Take what is considered Australia's most iconic building the Sydney Opera House.

Originally quoted to cost $7 million and finally costing $102 million as well as taking 10 years longer than expected. I wonder what Bolt would say about a Government spending so much more money and time on a tourist attraction?

Bolt cries:

What’s with us? Why can’t we build a single thing to impress? To delight? To announce that we dare dream?

I say we have any number of things to impress. I say we do dare to dream. I say our city is a delight otherwise why would we live, grow and love here?

UPDATE:

I see today that the Herald-Sun's own Mike Sheehan has had a go at Bolt ove rthe column. Sure he is mainly commenting relating to the MCG but he has some valid comments on the theme.

So he is an Architecture Critic as well?

2009-10-06T14:50:00.004+11:00

And just when you thought it was safe to read the Herald-Sun:

For those who do not know Andrew Bolt has been on holidays for 5 weeks in Europe. So when he starts crapping on about Melbourne's icons expect references to "nothing like what they have in Europe" or "would only be found in the likes of Euro-Disney" or "If only our politicians and developers had the foresite of those in Europe".

Andrew likes commenting on things he has no idea or qualifications such as climate change or water resources and now architecture. I personally cannot wait to see how he goes. Expect a follow up report.

Normal Service to Resume Shortly

2009-10-05T11:54:00.003+11:00

Due to work commitments and a hectic life the current program is not being broadcast. Normal services will resume shortly.

All of us here at UHIC (well me anyway) apologize for any inconvenience caused.

Knackers Rating - Addams Family Pinball

2009-09-09T10:17:00.004+10:00

After a previous post about games I got to wondering about my favourite arcade games ever.

Released in 1992 this pinball was the best seller ever and with good reason.

This pinball had it all, great variety in shots, an awesome multi-ball, clear instructions on what to do next to maximise scores, automated flippers and most importantly humour.

I spent hours playing this game and if one still survives in a pub I go to I have to play it. Last time I played one was in the Rob Roy (when it was called that) years ago. While at Uni I put a large amount of Austudy into the machines in the Carlton area.

So my Knackers rating:

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

4.96 out of 5.00. It would get 5 out of 5 if I had a machine of my own. But at around $7,000 they do not come cheap.

My pinball top 5 would be:

1. Addams Family
2. Terminator 2
3. Getaway
4. Hook
5. Rocky and Bullwinkle

notable mention to Lethal Weapon 3.

WTF 33 - Barking Mad

2009-09-02T14:23:00.004+10:00

Dog given parking ticket by inspectors in Darwin

September 02, 2009 09:42am

A BLUE Heeler has been booked for illegal parking after inspectors taped a ticket to the dog's leash at a shopping centre.

The blue heeler was tied to a fence outside Darwin's Rapid Creek market when it was approached by two city council traffic wardens, the Northern Territory News reports.

One of the inspectors wrote out a ticket - and taped it to the dog's lead.

Witness Ray McEvoy said he couldn't believe his eyes.

"I watched an elderly lady and her very faithful blue heeler roll up at the market," he said.

''Then two traffic inspectors came along. They had a bit of a talk and, to my amazement, wrote out a warning infringement notice for the dog and taped it to his lead rope.''

Council spokesman Grant Fenton said a dog was considered to be ''at large'' if the owner was not there.

Here is the now homeless Blue Heeler in question:

Although looking at that he doesn't look short on a feed.

Record Smashed

2009-08-31T12:15:00.004+10:00

Great news from the world of computer gaming:

Aussie smashes arcade video game world record

LANNON HARLEY
August 31, 2009 .

IN A back room of his Braidwood cottage in the NSW Southern Tablelands Phil Day has just broken the world record on the 28-year-old classic arcade game and successor to Space Invaders, Galaga.

Passing the previous mark of 2.7 million set by an American, Andrew Laidlaw, in 2007, Mr Day's score of 3.44 million is the culmination of six months' training and practice.

There were few signs of celebration at 12.30am on Saturday when, after playing for two hours and five minutes, Mr Day finally passed the score.

"There was no one else around. I wanted to signify that I had reached the 2.7 million mark for the video recording of the attempt, but I couldn't get too excited and I was pretty exhausted," he said.

Galaga Tournament was released in 1981 by the Japanese game creator Namco as an update to 1979's Space Invaders. It quickly became one of the most popular games of the decade and appeared in arcades around the world.

I have to admit I used to play this game as a kid but was never as good at it as my older Brother who I reckon with some practise could have given the record a shake.

There used to be a version of this game at Tessie's milkbar along with other classics like 1942.

Confirming Thoughts

2009-08-20T14:42:00.004+10:00

It appears today is the day to tie up some loose ends and to close up some things I reported on previously.

Commuters starting to cram Melbourne Trams

The Herald-Sun is reporting today about the increase in tram patronage and includes reference to Route 112:

Crowded trams also make it more difficult to validate tickets.

During the morning peak, commuters struggle to board trams on route 112 along Brunswick St and the 96 along Nicholson St.

Trams along St Kilda Rd and Collins St are frequently packed.

The 112 travels along Collins St and is often crowded. In 2008 it was announced that new tram services would be included on the route. Of course these trams consisted largely of the older single length trams that fill way too easily and slow down due to the time it takes for people to get on and off.

I just hope that the increased patronage results in some more funding and increased services as well as faster services.

Grade 3 was the best 3 years of his life

2009-08-20T13:16:00.006+10:00

It has been a while since I have reviewed a bit of Andrew Bolt's work. So I was not suprised when I saw this today:

Crisis! Rain returns to normal

Again as per 3 years ago Bolt has used the national average rainfall as 'proof' that things are all normal and fine. Of course I looked at it before and the results are the same. Higher rainfall in the north of Australia and lower in the remainder.

SO here is his argument broken down:

Rainfall has decreased substantially since 1950 on the east coast, and in
Victoria. This decline is less marked if measured from 1900.

“Less marked” is another way of saying rainfall levels are around what Australians
lived with for decades, long before “global warming” got blamed for anything and
everything. Check the graphs yourself on the second link above. Or here:

After which he inserts the national average rainfall graph which shows not a lot of movement. This is reflected in the more interesting or relevant anomoly graphs:

Yes I know there are a few graphs but what they show is that Victoria especially has suffered from less than average rainfall for an extended period of time even though we are meant to have experienced the wetter La Nina conditions. Victorians have lived with similar levels of rainfall in the past, that is true. We have never lived with such an extent of below average conditions for so long.

The Murray-Darling Basin Authority chief Rob Freeman was asked recently if this was an indication of a climate change.

The section of the above article quoted by Bolt is in bold.

Speaking at a water summit in Melbourne yesterday, Mr Freeman took aim at doomsday climate predictions that have followed the driest three-year period on record for the Murray-Darling Basin.

''Some commentators say this is the new future, I think that is an extreme position and probably a position that's not helpful to take,'' he said.

Mr Freeman acknowledged that average inflows to the river system might be lower than in the past, but he was adamant they would be higher than those measured since 2006.

''We are always going to have droughts and floods, but to suggest the future is this, I think is misrepresenting the situation … while it's nice to have a burning platform on which to implement reforms, we've also got to be very honest,'' he said.

Of course when you take out the other parts of the quote it is aparent that he has been taken out of context by Bolt. Freeman has implied that things will get better but may never get back to average. Isn't that what climate change is?

So getting back to the original post by Bolt, in one article he has succesfully:

mis-used the statistics;
fail to understand any of the implications; and
mis-quoted someone who has more knowledge than he.

Nice one Andrew, keep up the good work.

Training Days - Come for the Course, Stay for the Food - bonus Knacker Rating

2009-08-19T10:12:00.004+10:00

First of all let me apologise for not posting over the last little while. Several reasons including being in an all day training session yesterday.

Having been on a few training sessions in the past in various forms I was astounded that yesterday we had it at the Langham Hotel. Lunch was in the Melba Restaurant. To give you an idea about what was on offer:

A unique interactive dining experience, diverse flavours from different cultures and a friendly, informal atmosphere are the shining stars of Melba restaurant.

Create your own entrée from an amazing variety of fresh, seasonal ingredients ranging from the sashimi and sushi selections to a mouth watering variety of gourmet cheeses. And at centre stage, a display of seafood and salad bar offerings will surprise and delight.

Then it’s time to browse the main attraction - Melba’s colourful open kitchens, where passionate chefs prepare the dish of your choice as you watch. With cooking stations offering Sushi, Asian stir fries and dumplings, Italian pastas, Indian dishes, tandoori oven specialities and a classic carvery, you can enjoy flavours from around the world.

Desserts are totally decadent. Choose from a tantalising array of miniature treats, ice-creams and a fountain of luscious warm chocolate to create your own dessert to die for.

Melba restaurant, at the Langham, Melbourne has panoramic views across the Yarra River to the city skyline. The atmosphere is friendly and relaxed with an upbeat vibe. Melba is the perfect place to enjoy the pleasure of dining at your own pace with as many intervals as you please.

The afternoon session was very hard to get motivated for. Got to say 4.089 Knackers out of 5. It would have scored higher if I could have stayed longer to eat more. Safe to say I did not have any dinner last night.

Does he deserve to move up from Number 8?

2009-08-03T17:06:00.003+10:00

As you may well know I have a certain cretin in at No. 8 on my list of Ten people I do not want to hear about again.

After the Stuff up last week does he deserve to move up a peg or two?

Update:

Oh Joy of Joys, he has been sacked from Idol Judging. Not that I watch the show anyway.

WTF 32 - $15.00 maybe

2009-08-03T16:37:00.002+10:00

Warwick Capper forges new career as male escort

August 03, 2009 03:15pm

WARWICK Capper, former AFL show pony, is forging a new career as a $1500-a-night male escort. Quite what he's offering for the full amount is anyone's guess.

The flamboyant ex-Sydney Swans full forward says he’s now a gun for hire off the field, after finishing his days as a professional player in 1991.

He’s 46, but as a man who has posed for Australian Penthouse and produced his own x-rated porn video, the man once best known for the tightest shorts in footy, is not shrinking from the challenge.

Seriously? Would anyone hire him for the conversation? To do a presentation? Well I guess that only leaves one thing....

Idle Hands - Part 3

2009-08-03T11:21:00.004+10:00

Now to the naked eye it is a bit hard to read what it says. Step closer, take a look. Ah now you get it?

This has not been installed yet. Locations are still being scouted.

Happy Birthday Brett

2009-07-29T09:47:00.001+10:00

Today I am full of mixed emotions. It is my second cousin’s 37th birthday. He is riddled with cancer.

My second cousin is my age and has had a tough life, some of it due to circumstance and some due to his own doing. Being a similar age to me and being the product of a single parent family Brett would often stay with my family for holidays. In fact he stayed with us for months on end while my cousin (his mother) sorted her life out. He was very nearly formally put into my parents care.

Before he would visit my mother would tell myself and my two brothers to hide our change jars. I always wondered why but I have to give my parents credit for recognizing something. Comparing a kid who grew up in Dandenong to me as a naïve kid from the country, no wonder my parents were keeping an eye out.

Brett went off the rails at an early age. At 16 or so he ‘broke’ into his own house and stole his step father’s tools to hock at the pawn shop.

I am unsure if you recall but in the late 80s and early 90s the Herald Sun (The Sun in those days) used to publish wanted criminal’s pictures on page three, like the crime stoppers section now. My cousin turned up in that section a few times as he jumped bail and was wanted in connection for a few crimes. My mother still has the cut out section of the paper. I remember as a teenager reading the paper over breakfast saying “Brett’s in the paper again Mum”.

After that he went off the radar. I would hear through the family grapevine that he was in Sydney, he had somehow found a lawyer who got him off the charges, and found a job.

In 2001 he turned up at a family wedding in Melbourne and appeared to be back on track. He would keep in contact with his grandmother (my Aunty). Things looked like they were on the improve. Things went quiet again and the next I heard he was in treatment for cancer in 2004.

After successful treatment all the news I heard was positive. He had a partner, a job, a normal life for once. Things were looking up.

Last year over grandfinal weekend it was his grandmother’s 80th birthday. It was no surprise to have Brett turn up out of the blue. It was the first time I had seen him since 2001 and he looked happy and healthy. It was good to see he finally had his shit together.

Then over the last month things have turned for him again. Follow up scans revealed he had brain cancer and possible lung cancer. Further tests revealed cancer is throughout his body and it is no use doing any surgery. He is currently undergoing chemo and the outlook is not great.

It really makes me wonder about life and what is left once you go. What is his legacy? What is mine?

It also gives me a reality check about health and what can happen to you.

A birthday should be a happy day. A time to reflect on things and to look forward to another year. Today I am reflecting on Brett’s life and wonder if he will have another year. I hope he does.

Happy Birthday Brett.

You Never Know Unless You Ask

2009-07-27T17:22:00.003+10:00

Megan Fox refuses offer for sex tape with fan

At this year's Comic-Con...

This year, Johansson was the headliner, promoting Iron Man 2, but it was an appearance by Megan Fox which had the geeks talking after one fan approached the star during a Q&A to promote her new supernatural western Jonah Hex.

"My question is for Megan," the man said. "I have a Sony HVR (video camera). It's not a true HD, but it gives a pretty good image.

Anyway, my question is: I just graduated film school and I'm trying to help my career. I was wondering if you'd be interested in some kind of, like, celebrity sex tape?"

With that, a couple of security guards grabbed the fella and took him to an undisclosed location.

"Dude, I can't wait to see what you look like in 30 minutes," Fox's co-star, Josh Brolin, quipped as the man was dragged away.

Really the guy deserves credit for trying.

100th Post for the Year

2009-07-27T12:22:00.002+10:00

Yep. You got it. 100 posts so far this year. Of course I have not posted in a few days, mainly due to work commitments

What does one have to say on such an occasion:

So what?
What next?
Who cares?

Well bugger it, I will go on. Like Jason Gillespie:

Aahhhh the Memories

2009-07-13T14:55:00.003+10:00

I was reminded by this:

of when you bought a CD you got artwork, a booklet, sometimes lyrics or a story to go with the album. Not just a download bar on i-tunes.

Now you go online and download the single, the ring tone etc. What happened to artists creating an album? A catalogue of 10, 12 or 15 songs they have put together. You would listen through them finding what might be the next single or what you think should be the next single. Not just listening to the one song on high repeat on commercial stations.

Is it not suprising then that the early 90's featured so heavily in Triple J's Hottest 100 of all time?

Have a look through the list. You will be humming tunes for the rest of the day.

World Exclusive - Michael Jackson Coffin Revealed

2009-07-07T14:52:00.001+10:00

And that is all I am going to say on the matter.

Idle Hands - Part 2

2009-07-06T16:17:00.003+10:00

The original (with the word 'tea' in it) was on the wall for over a year. It was replaced by the above 10 weeks ago and was only removed last week.

As you may gather some people in the office are fond of signs. More to come.

WTF 31 - Isn't this from the Simpsons?

2009-07-06T14:22:00.001+10:00

Chester Zoo evacuated after chimpanzees escape 'Chimp Island'

July 06, 2009 07:46am

A ZOO in northwest England was evacuated after about 30 chimpanzees escaped from their enclosure.

The animals escaped from 'Chimp Island' and found their way into a keeper area where their food is prepared, the zoo said.

More than 5000 visitors were asked to leave Chester Zoo, near Liverpool, shortly after the break-out on Sunday as keepers rounded up the chimps.

I am sure something like this did happen on the Simpsons.

Dodgy Taxi Services

2009-07-03T10:44:00.003+10:00

If you read this article you will see why:

1. The Victorian Taxi Operators Group are a bunch of frauds;
2. The Victorian Taxid Association is a toothless tiger; and
3. How corrupt some taxi operators/drivers really are.

Some portions of the article

The Victorian Taxi Association said taxi drivers were effectively "subleasing" their licences to untrained drivers.

"A driver (will rent) a taxi off an operator, and then he might have a rest and give it to his cousin or someone like that, who is not accredited," association chief executive Neil Sach said.

Drivers would take the licence and log-in codes for legitimate drivers and pretend to be them, Mr Sach said.

Geoff Bell, of the Victorian Taxi Operators Group, said the industry was aware of the problem of unlicensed drivers using other drivers' licences.

"All the evidence so far is only anecdotal, but there is not a very secure system of logging onto the system, so it's not hard to do," he said.

Obviously Geoff Bell has not caught a cab after 10pm when a number of cabs are driven by unlicensed drivers. Or tried to catch a cab a short distance and been refused (which of course is illegal).

Taxis are a part of our Public Transport system. They need to be considered as such and legitimate drivers and standards upheld.

If taxi drivers want respect then they need to repsect the system in which they operate.

Idle Hands - Part 1

2009-07-01T14:11:00.004+10:00

The following mysteriously appeared on the toilet wall at work:

It has been modified to take the company logo off.

This is what happens when the 'fun' is taken out of a workplace.

Hands Up Who is Surprised?

2009-06-25T13:47:00.004+10:00

Anyone? ... No I didnt't think so.

New train, tram operators for Melbourne

Clay Lucas and Mex Cooper
June 25, 2009 - 11:13AM .
Connex has been stripped of its contract to operate Melbourne's train system, with Hong Kong-backed company Metro Trains Melbourne to take its place.

The city's trams will also have a new operator with Keolis Downer EDI ousting the incumbent Yarra Trams as the government's preferred tenderer.

Yarra Trams is a small suprise but Connex was a no-brainer. Of course also the opposition are asking for Kosky's head on a spike as well. Always tough when you make a big change like this as a minister. If you leave the status quo you are seen to be inactive, yet if you do change you are seen to have made a mistake.

The Quandary

2009-06-24T17:00:00.002+10:00

Say you were walking along on the way back to the office after lunch and you noticed an elderly (and possibly homeless) woman taking a dump in a laneway and her sheet of newspaper (toilet paper) blows away, what do you do?

pick it up and hand it back;
avert your eyes and keep walking;
suggest to your workmate that he should pick the paper up and give it back; or
any other suggestions?

Seriously this is what happened today. Sometimes you cannot make this stuff up.

Why I Drink Beer

2009-06-24T14:15:00.003+10:00

Somehow I think the theory may have some flaws in it.

Knackers Rating - Tim Winton Breath

2009-06-19T14:49:00.003+10:00

Now before I start my review this is in today's paper:

Tim Winton wins Miles Franklin award for Breath

Blanche Clark
June 19, 2009 12:00am

TIM Winton last night won Australia's most prestigious literary prize, the Miles
Franklin Literary Award, for his novel Breath.
Winton is the only writer to have won the award four times in his own right. Thea
Astley has won it four times, but was a joint winner twice.
"I'm stoked, but also mindful that there are terrific writers who will be feeling pretty stiff tonight, because their books are more than good enough to have won," Winton
said....

So obviously there are some people out there who like the book. As for me? well I have read a fair few Tim Winton books in the past such as Cloud Street or the Turning. This book to me is like unfinished work.

The main theme of a boy coming of age is an excellent and interesting topic especially as a male reader. Being able to relate to characters and themes also helps.

But the book just stops. 90% of the book is about a couple of years in the central characters life and the other 10% covers another 40 years or so. Even then vast tracks are glossed over in a paragraph.

There was a lot more opportunity to explore the theme he developed about the way we are and the way we turn out as a result of our teenage years.

It annoyed me as i wanted to know more. It was as if Winton was saying "well you know that much you should work out the rest, it is obvious isn't it?". Sorry Tim, not so obvious.

SO what's the rating?

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Today I am giving Breath by Tim Winton a rating of 3.2765 knackers... Above and beyond normal but by no means incredible.

Darebin Historical Information

2009-06-16T16:11:00.003+10:00

Firstly apologies for the lack of posting over the last few days. IT issues.

Anyway a news article in the Preston Leader the other day about how the Darebin Libraries are now listing a lot of the historical information about the city and localities.

So this all leads to the following website:

It certainly has some interesting facts and history about various locations in the are of Northcote and Preston. It even has the history about how this blog gets it's name.

WTF 30 - OUCH

2009-06-11T11:33:00.003+10:00

Erotic 'daggering' dance craze causing bodily harm

By Kate Schneider
June 03, 2009 08:10am
AN erotic dance craze is thought to be the cause of a recent spate of broken penises in Jamaica, and now faces a government crackdown.
"Daggering", a lewd dance style where couples simulate dry sex in various positions to the beat of the music, is characterised by over-the-top gyrating, heavy pelvis-thrusting and daredevil leaps.
Many couples have taken the “rough” daggering dance from the club to the bedroom, with disastrous consequences.Jamaican doctors were prompted to issue a warning on the dangers of daggering when presented with a range of fractured penises caused by rough intercourse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp_0p6Hc3_I

Ouch. This is why I do not dance.

Knackers Rating - Northcote Social Club

2009-06-09T15:19:00.004+10:00

Ahhh the Social Club. Once a bikie hangout and now a pivotal part of the High Street Strip in Northcote.

The pub is like what used to be found closer in to the city in Fitzroy and Calrton before they were bought out and turned into Yuppie bars and chic restaurants.

Having been a patron to the pub for a few years now the place feels comfortable when you walk in. With a real mixed bag of patrons everyone is welcome making for an atmosphere hard to manufacture.

The good points about the place include:

The band venue. The northern suburbs have had a reduction in decent band venues with the closure of the likes of the Punters Club and pressure on others like the Tote. With a medium sized room the place has really gone out of it's way to make it a great experience to see bands up close. It has also always been a non smoking room as well whic always made for an interesting (cough) experience when the crowd came out between bands.

Front Bar. The front bar is like most others around in the older pubs. A big long bar where people can sit and others can still get service.

No pokies. Say no more.

Different Zones. With the front bar, dining area (beer deck), side hall and pool area there is usually a spot to get some space to enjoy the joint.

The negatives are really minor in comparison.

Drink Prices. Are probably slightly higher than another pub but this is negated when the prices in the band room are the same as the front bar.

Toilets. Ok I had to thin kof something. all of Downstairs is via a set of small dunnys in the deck area often resulting in queues or upstairs via the drunken ankle wrecker of a staircase. The bonus with the men's upstairs is the accoustics from the band room are fantastic up there.

SO what's the rating?

no knackers - shockingly bad
one knacker - as bad as hitler because he only had on ball
two knackers - normal and average
three knackers - above and beyond the normal
four knackers - incredible
five knackers - as rare as five testicles

Today I am giving the NSC a nice rating of 4.273 knackers... Huzzah!

So let me know if you have been there and what you thought.

Some Ideas Worth Considering

2009-06-03T10:34:00.003+10:00

You may know I have a vested interest in things relating to Water. So seeing some results of a committee could lead to further developments. Some key points include:

■Wider use of "water offset" schemes, such as the one that allowed Flemington Racecourse to use extra water because it paid for water savings to be achieved at a third-party business.
■Promised environmental flows be delivered to rivers such as the Yarra "as a matter of priority".
■Contracts for the Wonthaggi desalination plant be designed to allow for water production volumes to vary each year, ensuring excess water is not purchased in wet years.
■The Auditor-General should review the effectiveness of water restrictions.
■Installation of water-saving devices such as shower heads and dual-flush toilets should be mandatory every time a property is sold or leased.

Also mentioned is the fact that:

the volume of stormwater running off central Melbourne each year was more than the city's annual consumption, yet policy decisions and planning rules remained the major barrier to increased adoption of rainwater tanks.

What it means is that as a community we should be looking at further ways to reduce consumption, replace supplies and to recycle. Personally I feel that the recycling part is where there could be the greatest benefits.

To give you an idea the Kraft Vegemite factory in Port Melbourne discharges in the order of 300,000 litres per day into the sewer system. That is equivalent to a population of over 1,900 people using their 155 litres per day.

There needs to be more effort invested into Community scale systems that allow for economies of scale compared to isolated systems resulting in a cheaper and more reliable source. Also with the upcoming increase in water prices, such schemes would become more economically viable.

Time for some changes?

2009-06-01T11:47:00.004+10:00

To my avid reader(s), please accept the changes to the blog display as a token of my appreciation.

If you don't like them then:

Is It Too Late?

2009-06-01T10:57:00.003+10:00

To change or add to my list of ten people I do not want to hear about anymore?

More Trains to Werribee

2009-05-29T11:43:00.001+10:00

A good sign on additional services for the overcrowded Werribee Line. They get an additional 225 services per week. Sounds a lot. But when you do the maths it isnt that many.

225 per week even if they are only on week days equates to 46 per day. Now Connex counts a train going 'to the city' and 'from the city' each as a service. That means there will be an additional maximum 23 services in one direction each day between 9am and 4pm.

I guess if you live on the line it is good news that you now have 10 min between services throughout the day. I hope they wll be undertaking a similar expansion to other lines soon.

TEN People I DO NOT Want To Hear About Anymore

2009-05-25T09:46:00.004+10:00

I have had enough. These people or stories have had their 15 minutes of fame. Now go away, I do not want to hear about you anymore.

Schappelle Corby - Why does a convicted drug courier still make front page news?
Clare Werbeloff - Who signs up a Media Agent 5 minutes after being interviewed for the news? Amply aided by so called 'Journalists'
Corey Worthington - All I can think of is the Cruel Sea: "Better Get a Lawyer Son"
Madeleine McCann - As sad as the whole story is I am tired of seeing sketches of dodgy looking bogey men.
Mercedes Corby - "Hello i'm Mr Ed". You and your family have lived off the publicity of your sister. Oh How wonderful your life is.
Lara Bingle - You know my thoughts there.
Roberta Williams - She is still trying to milk her husband's history.
Kyle Sandilands - Like Sam Newman without the sporting ability.
Gretel Killeen - Was Big Brother about the contestants or her? I am sure she knows which one she preferred. After this years Logies I think she will be dissappearing soon!
????? Hmm

So who should be number 10? Any suggestions?

UPDATE: 10. Annice Smoel - Can someone take her passport off her for gross stupidity?

WTF 29 - Japanese Edition

2009-05-19T14:47:00.002+10:00

Husband-hunting pushy bra counts down to marriage

Hiroshi Osedo
May 15, 2009 12:00am

JAPANESE women hoping for a marriage proposal should try Triumph International's new husband-hunting bra.
The "konkatsu" model has a countdown clock beneath the bra cups that shows the time at which the wearer hopes her beau will pop the question.
If engaged before the clock hits zero, she or her fiance can insert the ring into a slot.
The bra will then play The Wedding March to celebrate her engagement.
What will happen if she fails to get engaged before the time is up? Never mind, the clock will reset automatically.
The new bra set was exhibited at the Triumph Autumn-Winter Collection show in Tokyo this week.
Would-be brides will have to be patient because the konkatsu is not on sale yet.

Hmm I can imagine this would make any man run.

Richmond Sack Coach (or do they?)

2009-05-19T10:48:00.004+10:00

Wow they are taking things pretty serious at Punt Road these days.

UPDATE: Who says the HUN gets it wrong... Well OK they did this time. Apparently he isn't being sacked after all. Oops.